Leaps and Bounds
by siriusly.retardis
Summary: Lynnette Rivelli; pureblood, Gryffindor, resident bad girl has always taken the easy way out in life. But in her final year she begins to learn that the easy way out isn't always the best way. That hiding from the past won't make it go away. But facing up to her family, her future and even herself doesn't prove to be nearly as difficult as facing up to one Sirius Black.
1. The Resident Psychopath

**Hey everyone :) This is the third time I've had to delete and repost this chapter hahah cause I kept redesigning it and deciding the time wasn't right yet. But now I think I'm ready. This story is a "super original" Sirius/OC romance woo... but yeah don't pass it off just yet please :) I have another story on my other account but its sort of on permanent hiatus haha. This character, Lynn, is definitely one more suited to Sirius than my other character I think. **

**Before we get started I have a huuuuge warning to post here. This story is full of angst, drugs, sex, alcohol, self-harm and much swearing. It definitely earns its M rating. So if that stuff offends you, you might be better off giving this one a miss. Sorry :( **

Ch 1 The Resident Psychopath

I stood, high as a kite, facing an angry, bald psychopath who had just tipped twenty galleons worth of my firewhiskey stash down the drain, wondering how I got myself into situations like these.

"Lynnette, after serious consideration, I've come to the conclusion that you are actually retarded." The bald psychopath spat.

"At least I don't have a stick up my arse." I giggled, imagining Lily Evans with a stick up her arse.

"It's the FIRST NIGHT BACK. What possessed you to bring drugs and alcohol onto the school grounds after last year's final warning, get high and drunk by the smell of it," she sniffed the air, shuddered and continued, "and then try to convince me that Black had confunded you when I KNOW he's been with Sadie all night? Oh yes and let's not forget that you actually cursed all my HAIR OFF when I tipped the rest of your illegal substances out the window. Did you really think you could pull that off? Do I look like an idiot?"

It took literally every ounce of self-restraint I had not to reply YES to that question.

"Um…hic- no…?" I stated, unconvincingly.

"LILY-KINS!" James Potter tumbled through the portrait hole holding a rather large number of pies, stacked up high.

"And where do you think you've been? It's past midnight!" She huffed.

James, my loyal drinking buddy, began to giggle. "You're-hic- bald, Killy-lins! I mean… hic- uh… LILY-KINS! Lynnie and I got the munchies."

"We thought we'd bring in NEWT year with-hic- style!" I chimed.

"Is that a joint you're holding, Potter? You are HEAD BOY." She said, aghast and then turned to glare at me. I held my hands up in surrender. That was James' joint. I'd finished mine already.

"Um… no?" He said, just as unconvincingly as me. "Hey! I have an idea! Go- hic- out with me?"

Lily Evans screamed in frustration, turned on her heel and stormed back up the girls' staircase.

I grinned. Bald Psychopath was gone… for now…

"She's just jealous because I'm sexier. Italians are the sexiest. Way sexier than English redheads." I sniffed and sat down by the fireplace.

"You lie! Plus just cause your parents are Italian that doesn't make you." James giggled again and joined me with the pies.

"You don't count as an objective third party… thing… and-hic- yes, you retard, that's exactly what makes me Italian!" I pulled a tongue and reached for a pie, managing to bump them all over.

"Oh shit! LYNN! The pies!" James yelled and tried to keep the tower of stolen pies from falling over… and failed.

This, in my stoned mind, was the seemingly most hilarious thing to ever happen in the entirety of the universe. I laughed hysterically in the face of James covered in steaming hot pork. He leaped around the common room, trying to save himself from burns, bumping into furniture and walls partly because he was smashed and partly because he'd lost his glasses in the struggle. And I laughed harder.

"You're a bitch!" James gasped, still hopping around.

"You know you love me." I winked and rescued his half finished joint from the mess of pork pies.

A few drunken attempts at burn healing spells later, James was mostly healed and the pie was mostly cleaned up. Mostly.

"I can't believe you stole my weed. That's like… officially against the rules of friendship." James shook his head with disbelief. I cracked up again and blew him a kiss.

"Oh save it for Pads." He groaned and dragged himself to his feet.

"Eeewwwww! Gross! Sirius Black!" I waved my hands around like I was trying to dissipate an annoying smell. Luckily for James, I was yet to come down from my high or that comment would've led straight to a carefully aimed jinx.

"You two are going to get married and have little babies with amazing hair. It's going to happen." He said seriously. It was true. I did have amazing hair. It was my crowning glory. And as much as it pains me to admit it… Black's is rather gorgeous too. In fact, he's just generally hot. Not that I would EVER say that to him EVER.

"Jamsieeee…." I whined, ignoring this comment, and wobbled to my feet as well. "I don't want to go back to my dorm. The BP'll eat me."

"The whosit?" He looked perplexed.

"THE BALD PSYCHOPATH!" I giggled. "Let me sleep in your dorm? Oh please oh please oh PUHLEASE."

"Yeah alright. But Lily's not insane! She's a beautiful flower." He sighed, lovestruck.

"Yucks." I made a face and clumsily skipped past him to the boys' staircase.

We stumbled to the 7th year boys' room, otherwise known to the Hogwarts population as "The Marauders" consisting of Jamsie; my drinking buddy and partner in crime, Lupin; the less evil male equivalent of Lily Evans with a sense of humor, Pettigrew; the tagalong who was dumber than a post, being brutally honest and… it.

Sirius Black. Resident player. Arrogant dick. My mortal enemy. To say he tries my patience would like saying Voldemort's a little inconvenient. Unfortunately for me, we both come from maniacal pureblood families so he and I have been acquainted since diapers. I see him at every event our circle of crazies holds. Or at least, I did, until he ran away from home. And the bitch STOLE _my_ hideaway from the mentalness that comes with all our inbreeding. I hadn't been able to spend the holidays at James' house for all of last year because IT was living there.

To be fair, Black's situation was a little worse than mine is. I mean, Walburga and Orion? I shudder to think of the suffering he would've had to endure being a Gryffindor and thoroughly against Voldemort under that roof. Luckily for me, I scored Lorenzo and Eve Rivelli. So I get to enjoy less physically painful verbal abuse and the occasional whack as opposed to the cruciatus curse for being a Gryffindor and thoroughly against Voldemort.

Fun, eh?

James creaked open the door, trying not to disturb the others and tiptoed in. I followed, stifling more giggles.

"You take my bed, I'll use the spare mattress." James summoned said mattress and set up between his and Black's beds.

"Naw who said chivalry was dead?" I cooed and hopped into James' bed.

"Goodnight, Rivelli." He sighed.

"Night, Pothead." I cheekily retorted and pulled the covers up to my chin.

LLLLLLLLLL

I awoke to incessant poking and a pounding headache. I mumbled something incoherent under my breath to alert this person they were being incredibly annoying.

But the poking did not cease!

Finally, hung-over and frustrated, I sat up and screeched, "WHAT?!"

"Ahh!" The poker screamed and stumbled backwards. Who else? Black.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, BLACK?" I growled.

"You look um… lovely this morning." He snickered. Oh no you did not.

I hopped out of bed rather nimbly for an incredibly hung-over person, still managing to trip over James' mattress on my way to the bathroom. More evil laughter from Black. Where was Lupin to keep this boy in check?

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I screamed upon seeing my reflection.

My normally cascading chocolate brown waves were flat as a pancake on one side and sticking up about 4cm on the other. There were black circles under my squinty eyes and my lips were chapped as fuck.

I, Lynette Karine Rivelli, solemnly swear I will never drink again.

Well… until I can rebuild my stash.

Black popped his head around the bathroom door, grinning cheekily. "As much fun as it always is to see you. Can you please fuck off to your own dorm now? I have a hung-over Prongsie to deal with."

I swear to Godric I would've avada-ed him then and there if I could find my wand.

"I'm not sure if I trust you with a hung-over anyone. You can barely deal with your own issues." I mumbled under my breath, pinching Peter Pettigrew's wand from his bedside table.

"I head that, gorgeous." He snapped.

"Good!" I snapped back. "Accio Lynn's wand."

Once I was reunited with my wand, had proceeded to hex Black and steal all of James' hangover tonics, I departed from the boys' room.

I peered around the door of my own dorm room cautiously. No signs of a bitchy, potentially still bald, Lillian Evans. She must've gone down for breakfast already. And by the looks of it, taken her goody-two shoes minions with her.

"Lynnie! Where were you last night? We waited up." Sarah Prewett spun around from the vanity table in the corner.

"Yeah Evans was pretty pissed off about something. LOVE what you did to her hair." Marlene Jameson chuckled, not looking up from this week's edition of Witch Weekly.

"She was gossiping away to her clique all fucking night." Eleni Eros, Greek goddess of the school, complained from the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes, flopped onto my bed and downed all three hangover tonics in one go. Lily Evans, Mary McDonald, Alice Greene, Chelsea Daley and Victoire DeThoisey were the bane of my existence. All five thought their shit didn't smell and that my best mates' and mine…well… did. There'd been a major schism in the ranks since first year between the nine of us and it didn't look like it was going away any time soon.

It was quite simple, really. The girls and I knew how to have a good time… and the bitch clique did not.

"I can imagine what she was saying. Pleasant girl." I scoffed.

"Did you seriously break in the new school year without us!" Sarah whined. "We were going to do a girls' night in Hogsmede, remember?"

"Well James had some dope left over from the holidays and said if I chipped in we'd have enough to share between us. How could I turn that offer down?" I grinned, parts of the night coming back to me. Had I actually accepted James' dare to tattoo myself with Black's spell? I pulled down the sleeve of my jumper to check my shoulder.

"Oh shit." I rubbed it with my thumb. Yup, it was real. Something Black had come up with actually worked? What is this? The apocalypse?

"What is it?" Marlene questioned, glancing at my shoulder blade.

"Dark Side of the Moon album cover. Pink Floyd." I mumbled, still trying to rub it off. If pissing my parents off was where the inspiration for the tattoo came from… it would work without a doubt. They hated it when I acted like a Muggle. Needless to say last year's hols had been spent at home in shorts with Muggle rock band records pounding in my bedroom. Let's not forget the purchasing of a telephone and red scooter, which I had named Sexy.

"Not going to ask. Are you going to get ready for class or not?" She asked with a final flick of the magazine.

"'I'll join at lunch. I think I need another couple hours sleep thanks to Black's wake up call this morning. Will you make excuses for Sluggie, Sarah?" I asked and pulled my jumper back up. As drunken mistakes went, this one wasn't my worst.

"For sure. Get your beauty sleep, hon." She blew me a kiss as she passed my bed on her way to the door.

"Want us to stop in at Hogsmede for the usual medication?" Eleni grinned, flicking her sleek, dead straight black hair over her shoulder.

"I'll love you forever." I smiled weakly, already tasting the double shot cappuccino from Puddifoot's.

The girls left, promising to have my coffee by second period. I yawned and turned over in bed, still in pain from a raging headache that not even three tonics could touch. It sucks when you're seemingly immune to the only potion on the market available for hangovers.

What felt like minutes, but really must've been a few hours later I heard the dorm door slam. Groggily, I opened my sleep-encrusted eyes and squinted across the room. The first thing I noticed was the extra large coffee cup on my bedside. Bless them.

And then…

Oh you have GOT TO BE JOKING.

"Rise and shine, Rivelli. Lunch time Quidditch trials practice."

"Again!? Really and truly? Again you have interrupted my beauty sleep?" I moaned and rolled over.

"Hey, get up you lazy lump. We're beating Slytherin this year." Black ripped my down duvet off with a satisfied smirk.

"What the bloody hell do we need to practice for trials for? And um, oh yeah…. HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?" I contracted into a ball after having lost my warm covers.

"I have my ways." His face was impassive, not revealing anything. "Now get down on the pitch."

"Cut me some slack you evil dickhead. I'm hung-over."

"Your fault." He shrugged.

The door opened again. And I honestly didn't give a crap who it was. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes for a little longer.

"Black?" Asked who I recognized to be Eleni's voice. "How did you get in here? Why are you in here?"

"Lunchtime Quidditch trials practice." I mumbled, still half asleep.

"Um. Really?" She sounded confused. "James didn't say anything about that in Charms." Eleni was also on the team.

"Yeah I know. Cause I just made it up now to piss Rivelli off." He sounded very matter of fact.

I shot up, about to do some serious damage. "BLACK GET OUT OF HERE NOW BEFORE I CASTRATE YOU!"

He laughed gleefully as he sped out of the dorm, purposely slamming the door behind him.

"I hate him." I groaned, rubbing my head.

"I know." Was Eleni's simple response.

**I hope you liked the first chapter I'll try to update as often as I can. I feel really good about this story. I don't have a clear idea about where it's going exactly, but it's the kind of story I want to keep writing so I can find out. Please review if you liked it, or if you didn't, or even just to say hey! They do help with inspiration. TTFN x**


	2. The Box of Beautification

**Here's the second chapter :) **

Ch 2 The Box of Beautification

I downed my coffee as I jogged to Transfiguration. I was so screwed. Class had started 10 minutes ago. But, I mean, come on. I _stank_. Showering before class was a necessity.

I could hear McGonagall's voice emanating through the door. Sigh. Another year with this uptight cow.

I slipped into the classroom and hurried to my desk, cursing for the first time the fact that we'd chosen seats at the very back.

"Ah, Miss Rivelli. How lovely of you to join us."

Shit. I should've known sneaking around wouldn't work in this class.

"Hey Minnie." I grinned. "Have a nice summer?"

McGonagall's nostril's turned white and she pursed her thin lips. "You have crossed the line too many times at this school, Rivelli. It's the first day of your NEWT year. Skipping classes and turning up late will not work anymore. Neither will disrespecting your professors. You need to pull your socks up, Rivelli. Soon. Now sit."

I shook off the lecture and slid into my seat next to Sarah.

"You have crossed the line too many times at this school, Rivelli!" She whisper-mocked.

"You need to pull your socks up! Soon!" Marlene snickered under her breath.

"As I was saying, before we were _rudely_ interrupted, human transfiguration is an exact and dangerous branch of Transfiguration. This year we will be covering—" McGonagall continued. But her voice was only sending me to sleep. If only we could do lessons like last year's DADA Professor Daemon's. They were wicked. Chock full of practical stuff. Weekly Dueling Days and plenty of excitement. Probably the first class I'd ever got and O in. Also _the _only class I'd ever studied for. Ever. Unfortunately by the end of the year it came to light that Daemon was sleeping with half the female population and he was consequentially sacked.

I scribbled a note on my "note-taking" parchment, crumpled it and chucked it across the room to James when McGonagall's back was turned.

He read it and turned to face me, shaking his head. I glared at him and shrugged my shoulders as if to say "Why not?!" He sent the parchment back with a note that read:

Need the cloak tonight. Boys night. Don't go out tonight. You can borrow it tomorrow though.

I made a face and sunk into my chair. Time to make a new plan. There was no way the girls and I would be able to sneak out tonight without James' invisibility cloak. It was an impossibility.

After class, walking to Muggle Studies, Sarah and I discussed this hindrance.

"What did James mean by 'Don't go out tonight?' I wonder…" I mused, swinging my satchel around.

"I dunno… maybe he's scared of wereeewollvesssss!" She giggled.

I laughed, throwing my head back, "Hah! Definitely. Musn't go out during the full moon. No but seriously. What do think the problem is?"

"He's probably just looking out for you. You were pretty off your face last night. Too many nights like that probably aren't the best for your health." She sighed and pushed the classroom door open. I rolled my eyes and ignored her. She wasn't _much_ better than me.

"YES! EARLY." I fist pumped and claimed the table at the back. Sarah tossed her bookbag onto the other seat to save it for Austin, her beau. I put my feet on the last free chair at the table for James.

Students started trickling in, bagging tables and squabbling over seating arrangements. The usual first day ruckus.

"SCORE! Nice seats Lynnie!" James grinned and pushed my feet off his seat. "How early did you have to get up for these beauties?"

"What's HE doing here?" I asked, flabbergasted. Muggle studies was my ONLY Black free class.

"Greetings people. Oh, and hi Rivelli." Black sniggered and moved Sarah's bag to claim a seat.

"Oi. That's for Austin." Sarah tried to shove him out of the seat to no avail.

"He can sit somewhere else." Black said nonchalantly, precariously leaning on the back two legs of the chair.

"Black why the fuck are you taking Muggle Studies?" I shook my head in confusion.

"Same reason as you, I spose." He shrugged. "Piss off the purebloods."

I glanced at Sarah. She was having a silent conversation with Austin who was questioning her on his lack of place. Bloody Black.

"So where are you going tonight then, James, so that I can't use the cloak?" I glared, only half-joking.

"Er. Marauders business." He replied, exchanging a look with Black.

"Yeah, so butt out." Was Black's slightly less polite answer.

"Who rattled your cage?" I pulled out my gloss to touch up, not really caring about his answer.

Professor Quigley bumbled through the door. She was such a pushover. It's a wonder she can even keep her classes under control for more than a minute. I shot James a grin remembering all the times we'd wound her up last year. He didn't even try to contain his snort of laughter.

The pudgy woman glanced at the back of the room, but said nothing. Too scared of her own class to do anything about it.

About an hour later the dead boring class was finally over. I almost regretted choosing this class for my NEWT years, but the look on my parents' faces really had been priceless.

LLLLLLLLL

"So does this mean we're _definitely_ not going out tonight?" I asked for the 10th time, completely over my hangover and ready to get another one.

"Lynn, Merlin, calm your titties. How can we go out without the cloak?" Marlene asked and flopped back on her bed.

I pointed my freshly painted toenails, admiring Marlene's work. She had a way with this kind of beauty salon stuff. She was always the one to do hair and makeup for dances too.

"I don't know… we could try disillusionment charms?" I shrugged.

"Oh Lynn. Do you honestly think any of us know how to cast a disillusionment charm?" Eleni chuckled. She was scribbling some bullshit down for her Divination essay. Thankfully, I'd been smart enough not to continue with that waste of time.

"Why do you want to go out so badly anyway?" Marlene asked, raising an eyebrow.

I exchanged glance with Sarah. Last year I'd shared with her something very personal and that I considered rather embarrassing, though she assured me it wasn't.

"Are you kidding me? Lynn doesn't want to break in the year half as badly as I do!" Sarah chimed in, throwing me a subtle wink. I smiled gratefully.

"Lynn's _already_ broken in the year." Marlene scoffed.

"Aw, you guys know the year's not begun without a night on the town with _mie ragazze!_" I smiled, chucking a tampon that had fallen under Marlene's bed at her.

"EEWW! We don't throw feminine products, Lynn!" Marlene squealed and batted it away.

"It's not like it was USED!" I giggled. "And it's yours! Hey I have an idea!"

I scrambled off the floor, being careful not to smudge my pedicure, and rummaged through my trunk.

"Since we've decided to take a leaf out of Lillian's book and stay in tonight. Let's do it properly." I beamed, holding in one hand a bottle of elf wine and in the other my BOB.

"Oh my Merlin! I'd totally forgotten about the Box of Beautification! When was the last time we opened it?" Eleni squealed and tumbled to the floor next to me.

"Like fourth year!" Sarah joined in. "This is so exciting. We have to do this!"

"I restocked it over the summer after finding the poor thing abandoned under my bed." I wiped a pretend tear and clicked open the large pink box.

"Wax, tweezers, face mask, oh hair-dye! Funsies! Foot pumice wow there's heaps!" Marlene exclaimed, sifting through the box.

"We need icecream to go with the wine." Sarah announced, pulling out her special wine glasses.

"I'll go get it." I offered, "Someone needs to heat up the wax, someone can get the foot bath ready and Marls you can dye your hair if you want. That's quality stuff there. I think you'd look good red."

"Awesome! Thanks Lynnie. This is gonna be fab." Marlene excitedly began unpacking the dye.

"I'll be right back. Don't start the wine without me!" I warned, pulling a tongue and shot down the stairs.

Once I'd returned, the girls had all set up the stuff and Sarah had poured the wine. I'd brought with me four boxes of mint, chocolate, mango and strawberry ice-cream. We each had our favorite and refused to share.

"Chocolate for Eleni," I tossed her the cold box, "Mango for Marls, mint for Sarah and strawberry for moi! Let's get started."

LLLLLLLLLLL

"Ok. We have to do this." Sarah clung onto me as she stumbled towards her bed.

"Do what?" Marlene asked, double checking the clock so not to keep the dye in too long.

"Bets on boys!" She giggled. Sarah had never been particularly fantastic at holding her drinks. Luckily our other dorm buddies had yet to surface from the library, the nerds. I knew there would be fireworks when they arrived.

"Bets? What… On who's the most retarded?" Eleni giggled and scraped the last of her icecream onto a spoon.

"Nooo! Like—like, I bet that… hmmm…El and Jack Deary will be together by the end of the year." Sarah cackled, taking another sip of the elf wine.

Eleni blushed. Jack Deary was her long time love interest, but he'd been taken since 6th year and while Eleni had a lot of confidence with boys she wasn't a boyfriend stealing slut like a lot of people thought.

"Oooh! Ok and I bet that Sarah and Austin will be together!" Marlene giggled.

"That so doesn't count! We're already dating. Let me try… I bet that you and Cameron _won't _be." Sarah cackled, raising an eyebrow. It disappeared behind her platinum colored fringe.

"Rude!" Marlene gasped indignantly. We all knew it was true though. Marlene and Cameron's relationship was an absolute trainwreck.

"Changing the subject..." Eleni cut in, sensing a potential fight. "How about Lynnie?" She stroked her imaginary beard.

"No boyfriend for me! Slutting around is too much fun." I stood up on my bed and shook my hips, strutting up and down. The girls cracked up, fully aware of my "one night only" policy.

"I'm betting you'll find a boy by the end of the year." Eleni mused.

"Oh yeah? Who?" I sat back down, interested to see who Eleni would pick as my one true love.

She smirked and shook her head like it was a secret. Bitch.

"Oh come on, tell us!" I pleaded.

"Well… if you really want to know. Girls, back me up here. It's pretty obvious that Lynn's perfect match… is…" Eleni drew it out, knowing she was pissing me off royally.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" She screeched, laughing her head off. Looks like the wine hadn't just gone to Sarah's head.

My jaw dropped and I was rendered speechless. Sarah and Marlene shrieked in agreement. What was wrong with these girls?!

"El, can I ask you a serious question?" I squinted my eyes. "Are you on drugs?"

"Nup that's your territory…" Sarah cut in. Ouch. She must have noticed my hurt expression because she quickly apologized and changed the subject.

"How much longer until your hair's ready, Marls?"

"Ooh! Now!" Marlene stumbled towards the bathroom, still giggling over Eleni's prediction.

"You know… you and Black _are_ really similar." Eleni said.

"We are not!" I shook my head vigorously. "He's an arrogant fuckhead and I'm much nicer."

El and Sarah laughed, but Eleni was not giving up so easily. "Apart from that. He's good at Quidditch and so are you. He doesn't care about classes and neither do you. You're both arguably the most attractive 7th years of your respective genders."

I rolled my eyes. This was Eleni, greek goddess, talking. She trumped me in everything, from boobs to number of teeth to flawless skin.

"And you both rebel against your shitty home lives."

I silenced her with a glare. Everyone knew better than to bring up my home life. Eleni would never understand what it was like to live in a pureblood household. She called my home life 'shitty?' She fucking wouldn't even know what a shitty home life was if it bit her on the arse. Black was the only person I could forgive for talking about what we had to endure. We would constantly torment one another with the memory and threat of home. But it was almost like I _let_ him do that to me. And he would let me. I didn't really understand it, but maybe we needed that connection to the lives we'd been rebelling against for years. We needed to remember. And no one else would ever understand.

Marlene interrupted the now awkward silence by announcing that her hair was officially done.

She struck a pose against the bathroom door. It was a shock to the system seeing Marlene's usually dirty blonde hair an unnatural cherry red. But it looked fantastic!

"Oh Marls! You look so sexy!" I shrieked. Sarah cat-called while Eleni pretended to faint.

We were all laughing together, the previous awkwardness forgotten, finishing off the wine when who should burst through the door? Lily Evens and co. Woo.

"REALLY?" The seemingly constantly PMS-ing bitch yelled. "What is wrong with you lot?"

The four of us stared at her. Merlin, anger management…

"Obviously quite a lot if they feel the need to get drunk almost every night." Mary McDonald, right hand woman, quipped.

Victoire, Chelsea and Alice giggled.

"And Marlene?" The head girl glared at Marls, "Your hair is a non-permitted color. As head girl it is my duty to ensure that you remove it."

"Are you kidding me? I look hot like this." She raised an eyebrow. I gave her a high five.

"Is that a tattoo, Lynette?" Chelsea gasped, noticing my shoulder blade. I rolled my eyes. What a gang of prudey little virgins.

"Well, unless thine highnesses doth protest. I think we're just about ready to turn in for the night." I ignored Chelsea and flicked my wand to clear away the beauty products.

"Night girlies." Sarah said sarcastically.

Lily and co. crossed to their side of the room, whispering viciously amongst one another.

Holy hell what did James see in that girl?

**Don't forget to review please :) **


	3. The Snowball Effect

**Ok here comes the beginning of the angst. It won't stick around forever I promise haha but Lynn's a pretty angsty teenager. **

Ch 3 The Snowball Effect

Lynnette Karine Rivelli never cries. Ever. Not since I was about 5 and became the tomboy to end all tomboys. Luckily that phase went away at about 12 when boys were suddenly one hell of a lot less annoying and one hell of a lot more attractive.

But today marks the momentous occasion of 12 years worth of pain and rejection all bubbling out at once. I turned the bath tap on to wash the blood that had collected there away. The anger and self-pity had faded. All that was left was disappointment that I had reverted back to this barbaric way of dealing with emotions.

To be fair, today has been an incredible challenge and would probably score second or third for worst day ever. Nothing will ever beat the first day home back in first year. The day my parents could finally tell and show me exactly what they thought of me being sorted into Gryffindor.

It started at breakfast.

LLLLLLLLLL

I sank down onto the long bench at the Gryffindor table. I hated breakfast, but Sarah insisted that it was 'the most important meal of the day.'

"One piece of toast." I grumbled.

"You always only have one piece of toast." Marlene grumbled back. She wasn't a morning person either.

I reached towards the pile of toast and… my hand sank right through, like I was touching a ghost. What the fuck?

I shot my friends a confused look and tried to grab for the toast again.

"Like the jinx, Rivelli?" I heard a voice behind me. Fuck me sideways. Black.

"Kindly remove it and let me eat my breakfast." I growled.

"Eh… I don't think I want to. Do you want to Prongs?" Black smirked at his best mate.

"Hmmm… nahhh… I don't think I want to either. Why don't you have a hearty English breakfast for a change? Some fatty bacon, oily hashbrowns? Stodgy beans? What do you say, Lynnie?" James gestured towards the bacon.

I visibly gagged at the thought and hid my head in my arms.

"How about you, Worms? Want to remove the jinx?"

"I don't particularly like toast. So I'm not adversed to it staying." Pettigrew said seriously. Marlene let out a small giggle, picking up on Pettigrew's misuse of the word adverse.

"Plus, you could probably cut back a bit. You're getting a little chubby, my love." Black reached around me to poke my stomach. What a dick! How dare he call me fat.

"I'm out." I said, slinging my satchel over my shoulder, practically shoving Black to the side so I could head towards DADA.

"You pricks!" Sarah addressed James, Black and Pettigrew as I flounced away. "She needs to eat!"

Closer to the toilets than DADA, I decided to take a quick detour and pushed open the door. No one would be here. This was Moaning Mrytle's bathroom.

I hastily glanced around praying she was doing whatever it was that ghosts did when they weren't haunting bathrooms. Luckily for me she appeared to be elsewhere. Thank Merlin, I hadn't had a moment alone since I'd arrived back at this place.

Sinking down against the wall by the cubicles, I rummaged through my bag for my lighter and box of ciggies.

The nicotine hit instantly calmed me down. I exhaled and watched the smoke dissipate around me.

Bloody Black, how dare he call me chubby. It's like he knew exactly how to hone into my biggest insecurities. I remember in fourth year when I'd gotten that awful haircut. The girls told me to own it and no one would know, so I did. And it worked. I got off with six guys that week. No one even guessed that I'd spent the night before cursing my ex-hairdresser to the fieriest pits of hell. Except Black. He didn't waste a single opportunity mocking my hair or calling me an ugly slut. He always knew…

I took another drag of the cigarette and tried to forget about Black. Instead I focused on Sam Riley from Ravenclaw. He'd been dropping hints for a while now and he wasn't too bad looking either. Today I could use a good session in the broom cupboard.

We Gryffindors had DADA with the Ravenclaws so, finishing off my ciggie and pushing myself up, I resolved to catch Riley after class.

I sauntered through the door, hoping our teacher this year wasn't anything like McGonagall. I'd missed class yesterday and was late today, a bit of a risk not knowing who the professor was, but I reckoned I could handle anything they threw at me.

"Ah, Miss… Rivelli, it must be? I've been looking forward to meeting you. I went to school with your father, you know. Had a good lie in? And from the smell of it a nice smoke too." The tall and thin professor said, narrowing his eyes. Obviously he and my father did not get along. Fantastic.

I raised an eyebrow and continued walking to my seat, making sure to throw an under the lashes glance at Riley.

"I think a detention for being late. Aaannd perhaps another two for the smoking. Oh and one more just because I can." He smiled sarcastically. It took every ounce of confidence I had not to drop my jaw in horror. Could he do that? Was that even legal?

I remained calm and flashed him a toothy smile. "Time and place, you pick."

"I can see you need to learn some respect for your superiors, Miss Rivelli. Tonight at 7, greenhouse 3. Professor Sprout has informed me that she needs some bubotuber pus harvested." He said deftly and turned back to the board.

Sarah flashed me a look of sympathy and Eleni rolled her eyes at the Professor whose name I still didn't know. Marlene patted me on the back. I smiled at all of them, knowing Riley was watching me.

As the lesson progressed, the professor's dislike of me seemed to increase threefold or more. I refused to answer any of his questions, even the ones I knew, and did not follow one direction. If he was going to target me, I was going to give him a bloody good reason.

Riley's eyes continuously flickered towards me throughout the class. I smiled flirtatiously and decided to give him a bit of a show.

I bent over into the aisle, pretending to scratch my ankle, making sure Riley got a good look at my cleavage. I smirked secretly to myself, noticing how enthralled he seemed to be. Boys were so easy to manipulate. I slowly sat back up, 'accidentally' pulling my robe up my leg flashing the lacy tops of my stockings. Then I leaned forward on my desk, brushing the dark hair out of my eyes and exposing my neck.

"Class dismissed. I want that essay done by next Wednesday. Rivelli, yours is due by Monday as extra punishment." He smirked at me. I stared back, refusing to let him see how pissed I was that he was taking out his 20 year old grudge on me.

I swept my parchment and quill into my bag and walked out the door with the girls. Once I saw that Riley was leaning against the wall just outside the classroom, I erupted into laughter, throwing my head back. The others caught on quickly and, too, showed off how much fun we were having.

"Hey Rivelli." He gave me a sexy half-smile.

"Hey, hot-stuff." I winked at him, indicating for the girls to leave. They quickly disappeared.

"So pretty lousy of Trenton to give you four detentions." He said, still leaning against the wall.

I sauntered towards him until our faces were less than a centimeter apart. He smelled like musk.

"Want to… cheer me up?" I whispered and placed my hands on his hips. He took the bait and leaned in for a snog. I moved my hands to wrap around his neck and he put his on my ass, moving them slowly up and down.

"Woo! What's going on out here? Someone's getting lucky. Go, Riley!" Black cat-called, his little gang following behind also laughing.

"And someone's getting jealous." I untangled myself from Riley's arms and jutted out my hip. "Now fuck off, please. I'm busy."

"Me? Jealous! Hah, you wish, Rivelli." He scoffed.

"Oh do I? Because, if my sources are correct and they usually are… you're sadly er.. lacking in _that_ department. If you know what I mean." I snickered and put my hand on Riley's crotch. I felt him harden. Boys. Almost too easy to manipulate.

James cracked up at this comment and slapped Black on the back.

"I think you'd find that you are very wrong." Black sniffed. "I've left every girl immensely satisfied. Unlike you, you slag."

"That's a bit rude, Black. Now, Sam, let's go somewhere more private." I smiled at Riley and led him towards the broom closet I knew was just around the corner.

"Enjoy, Riley! She's a quick shag but." Black called after us, the twat.

"Like you would ever get the chance to know." I called back, rounding the corner.

"Now…" Riley addressed me, leading me into the cupboard, "Where were we?"

"Hmmm…" I smiled and put my hand back on his crotch. "I'm not sure."

"Allow me to be of assistance." He winked and claimed my lips, pushing his hands under my skirt to rub my upper thighs.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLL

After Charms the four of us, gossiping away like 40-year-old housewives, made our way to lunch. The broom closet episode hadn't done anything to improve my foul mood, and in fact had only made it worse. The selfish bastard finished before me and then had the audacity to call me a skank. Needless to say he left with a black eye.

I'd been called a slut or a skank over a hundred times probably, mostly by Black. I was used to it. I knew I could be called a bit of a slut. It doesn't mean it's ok to treat me like dirt though. I know it's kind of pathetic, but feeling like someone wants me is nice… even if it's only for an hour or so. Not that I'd ever tell anyone that. It would seriously damage my flawless reputation if people knew I was secretly a pussy.

"Can you believe the dick actually said that to me?" Sarah complained. I hadn't really been listening, but from what I'd heard Austin had said something about her going off with another guy based on his best mate Michael Whitby's word.

"Wow. What a dickhead. And he didn't even ask you if it was true before accusing you?" Marlene tutted. Eleni clucked her tongue in agreement.

"Yeah so I ended it." Sarah said nonchalantly, surveying her manicure. I could tell she was pretty cut up. Sarah and I've had this connection since we'd met on the train way back in first year. We almost always knew when the other was upset.

"Hey Sarah, come with me to the bathroom before lunch?" I nudged her, ignoring Eleni and Marlene's gasps and Austin insults. She nodded, hugged the other two and followed me the toilets.

"Here have a smoke. It'll clear your head a bit." I tossed her the box after lighting up myself.

"Ta, Lynnie. You always know when I need a smoke." She gave me a meek smile, still trying to hold in the pain.

"So… want to talk about it?" I shot her a sympathetic look and sunk down against the wall.

"I just can't believe he believed Whitby over me! We've been together over a year and I've always been there for him. I even let him off when he actually did cheat on me. What's wrong with me?" She sobbed, finally letting the tears flow. Sarah was a crier.

"That's right, hon, let it all out. Don't worry about him. You're worth so much more. I understand." I said, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"How the fuck could you understand? You've never been with anyone long enough to understand. Getting called a skank by a quickie in a broom cupboard is nothing compared to this!" She spat, still in tears.

"Thanks Sarah." I said, trying not to retort. Sarah always had a bit of a mean streak. When she was hurting, she usually took it out on the nearest person: generally me. The 'one night only' policy was great for ridding myself of relationship complications, but it wasn't like I'd be totally against someone wanting me for longer than a quick shag.

"Oh sorry, sweetie. That totally came out wrong. But you know what I mean. This hurts a lot more." She said. I ignored this jab, gave her a little hug and said I knew what she meant. Sometimes it was hard to be best friends with Sarah, but I couldn't be a bitch back when she was hurting. That would be too mean, even for me.

The next few classes passed mostly uneventfully. After dinner, I dragged my feet to Greenhouse three. I hoped like hell that Trenton wouldn't be there. He'd be sure to shatter the last bit of resolve to keep going that I had left. It had been one hell of a day. One hell of a self-esteem bashing.

But obviously, with my luck today, who should be overseeing my detention? Trenton. Fucking fabulous.

"You know why you're here and what you're doing. So get started. You're dismissed in an hour." He stated simply, gesturing to the Bubotubers. Then, his lips curled into a cruel smile. "And you won't be needing those gloves."

I somehow managed to keep my face blank as I took off the dragon hide gloves Sprout always made us wear when dealing with anything in Greenhouse 3. I was sure this was illegal, but there was no way I was letting him win.

I didn't take my eyes off him as I grabbed the first Bubotuber and squeezed it into the bucket on the bench next to me. The pus splashed against my bare hands, leaving angry, painful red marks. I bit the inside of my lip, not allowing myself to cry out in pain.

Trenton's smile did not waver as he watched the angry marks begin to split and grow as the hour continued. The pain was excruciating, but my blank mask did not crack. I would not give him the satisfaction.

"Your father was always rather good at maintaining a blank face too. Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We have a perfect little Rivelli right here, it seems." He took a dig at me. This hurt more than the pus, as it was one of my worst fears to be like my family.

"Ah it appears, I've touched a nerve." He must've been watching for that one flicker of an emotion and pounced.

"Nope. No nerves have been touched." I stiffly replied. Try a whole fistful grated. I kept an eye trained on the clock at all times, watching the minute hand creep towards the hour. The pain in my hands was edging on unbearable as more pus splashed against the bucket.

Finally, exactly thirty seconds before 8pm, I put the revenge that I'd been planning since we'd begun into action. I felt my wand digging into my elbow, having been hidden up my sleeve.

When Trenton took his beady eyes off me to check the time I slipped the wand into my hand to direct it at the Glugons behind him. Unfortunately I hadn't anticipated exactly how hard was it to hold anything in my current state and I nearly dropped my wand right into the bucket of pus. Swallowing the pain, I shot a curse at the plants and quickly slipped my wand back up my sleeve.

Glugons are a nasty plant that, when threatened, excrete a wax so sticky that it must be burned off skin. However it takes 15 minutes for the wax to form, making this plant perfect for my revenge plan. Black learned about Glugons the hard way in 5th year after a slight argument we'd had during Herbology.

Trenton swore loudly as the plant exploded, covering him in liquid.

"Think you're clever do you?" He spat, using Augumenti to rinse his face and arms.

"It wasn't me, sir. I have heard that Glugons spontaneously explode when in proximity with a particularly foul stench though." I quipped, containing a triumphant cackle. Clearly Trenton didn't know the first thing about Glugons. Water only sped up the process.

"You little b-" He began angrily.

"Uh uh uh. Mustn't use foul language in front of students, professor. And that's me finished." I smirked as I happily swaggered through the door; glad I'd gotten my own back.

Now to take care of my peeling, bleeding hands. I knew Chelsea had some murtlap essence in her section of the bathroom cupboard. She surely wouldn't be mad if I used a little. Well… she probably would, but I could handle Chelsea Daley after the day I'd had.

I tried to sneak through the school undetected, as I didn't particularly want to run into anyone in my present state. I was getting more and more emotional as I hurried through the hallways. My nose had started tingling and my eyes were prickling. I hadn't felt this vulnerable in years. One more jab and I knew I would collapse into tears.

"Hey, Rivelli!" I heard Black call as I entered the common room. No. Not now. I couldn't handle him right now.

"Black, if you know what's good for you—" I began, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Um… I was just going to say you've got a letter…" He cut in, waving the already opened letter around.

"Oh… uh thanks then. Even though it looks like you've already read it." I walked towards him to accept the letter.

"Yeah," he laughed. "You've got a great family, you know that right."

I felt my stomach drop and my heart skip a beat and Black knew that. I could see it in his face. Shakily, I took the letter, a bit afraid to read it. By Black's gleeful expression, I knew it was nothing good.

Figlia_, _

_Your mother and I are sending this letter, primarily to inform you that a suitor has been selected for you. The Malfoy's have kindly agreed to allow you to join with their son, Lucius, who graduated last year. Do not let us down like you have so many times before. Lucius is a suitable match for you. I will let you know that Abraxas was slightly disinclined to agree as he knows how disagreeable you have always been. Useless, unintelligent and much too outspoken. Luckily for you, I am skilled in the art of persuasion. This is your final chance to prove to your mother and I that you aren't a complete waste of space. Secondly, we expect no more than one E on your NEWT exams. I understand that you've never been clever, this being a generous statement. So we will allow this one failure. You have failed in much worse ways than this in the past. Also, it shames me to hear that my daughter has been acting like such a little puttana so early in the year. I am thoroughly ashamed of you. Finally, the Dark Lord is rising, Lynnette Karine. Your mother and I implore that you join him once out of school. There is no question about it. Failure to do so will result in punishment. Also, you are under strict obligation to return home for Christmas. It is your coming out ball. You must be present. _

_Try not to be such a disappointment this year, _

Padre_ and _Madre

My resolve to not cry dissolved faster and faster as I read through the letter. This was just what I needed. A reminder of how stupid, slutty and useless I was. _Puttana._ My father's favorite word for me. Slut. Whore. Strumpet. Each insult cut straight through. Like I needed indication of how much my parents truly despised me. Like I needed the threat of punishment hanging over my head if I failed their wishes. On top of my scorching hands, this pain was too much to bear.

I didn't even hear what Black said in that arrogant voice of his as I spun around on my heel and raced up the stairs.

No one was in the dorm. Lily and friends were probably in the library. Sarah had told me to join her and the others in Hogsmede after detention, but even alcohol, even drugs couldn't help me right now. I stumbled to the bathroom.

I wept into the sink, letting the tears stream. The salt water stung my hands. Clumsily, I searched through the cupboard under the sink for the murtlap, knocking most bottles over in the hunt. My hand fell upon Lily's nail scissors.

I couldn't handle all these emotions rushing through me. So much pain and rejection in one day was just too much to take. My hand shook as I touched the scissors to my upper arm, hanging over the bath. With all my strength I slashed at the skin and watched as the blood dripped with the flow of tears into the tub. I hacked again and again until my arm was covered in red blood.

LLLLLLLLLLLL

Once I'd cleaned up the bath tub and found the essence of murtlap, I had completely emptied myself of emotions.

It would be easy to heal the cuts I'd made, but I never did. The scars on my body were a part of me. A reminder. I couldn't erase part of who I was.

"Rivelli? Prongs told me to find you because you looked kind of upset so I—er came up." I heard the dorm door slam and heavy footsteps grow nearer the bathroom.

SHIT SHIT SHIT. No one knew about this dark little secret of mine and that's exactly the way I liked it.

The bathroom door creaked open as I dove for my robes. I toppled over into the bathtub, robes slung over the offending arm.

"Rivelli what the fuck are you doing?" Black raised an eyebrow at me.

"Why do you keep coming IN here? It's not allowed." Was the only reply I had.

"Since when do _you_ care about rules?" He smirked. "Here let me help you up."

"Uh… that's ok. I can do it." I managed to push myself up while keeping the robe covering my upper arm.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Black dropped his comedy act and suddenly spoke very seriously. Make that the robe mostly covering my upper arm.

He quickly moved towards me and ripped the robe away despite my protests. I couldn't look at him. My eyes were trained on the floor.

"Oh Merlin, what have you done, Rivelli." He gasped and gently traced the cuts. I winced slightly, still refusing to look at him.

"It's nothing. Don't tell anyone." I hoarsely replied.

"Nothing! I sure as fuck think you mutilating yourself is something." He exclaimed. He looked me up and down, taking in my messy hair, smudged eyemakeup, red rimmed eyes, and blood covered shirt.

"Shit, Lynn, what's wrong? Is it your family?" He asked, genuinely sounding concerned. This was a first.

"Um… I don't really want to talk about it." I whispered finally looking into his silver, blue-flecked eyes. He _looked_ genuinely concerned too.

"Ok. I understand. I won't make you talk now. But… if you need to. I'm here ok?" He said, pulling me into a hug. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist, clutching me close to his chest. I felt safer and warmer than I had in a long time in his arms.

Tears sprung into my eyes again. What was wrong with me today?! They dampened his soft, well-worn shirt. He held me tighter, whispering comforting sounds. Exhausted. That's what I was feeling. Complete and utter exhaustion.

"It's ok, love. I'm here. Don't cry anymore." This kindness, of course, only made me cry harder.

"S-sorry." I sniffed. "I stained your shirt."

"That's the last thing on my mind right now." He looked down into my eyes and brushed a thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tears.

"I didn't know you could be this nice." I almost laughed.

"Oh there's lots you don't know about me. You're just so much fun to tease." He smiled and caressed my cheek again.

Like he knew exactly what I was feeling at that moment, Black gently led me to bed mumbling something about rest, let me get changed into pajamas while he cleaned up the bathroom cupboard, and tucked me into my bed.

"Please don't leave me." I breathed. I didn't want to be alone while feeling so vulnerable.

"I wasn't planning to." He replied with a soft smile, pulled back the duvet and lay next to me in the bed, cradling me in his arms.

It felt nice, a boy holding me close to him without anything sexual getting in the way. It made me feel loved, if only for that moment.

I fell asleep like that, my last thought being that maybe Sirius Black wasn't as big a dickhead as I'd always thought.

**I'd love some feedback especially with this chapter cause it's kinda a taboo subject, self harm and all that stuff. So yeah reviewwwwww, you know you want toooo :)**


	4. The Definition of Friendship

**This is the last chapter I'm going to do today, I think four is a good number to get started with :) **

Ch 4 The Definition of Friendship

I awoke feeling cold and lonely. There was still a dent in the mattress where Black had been the previous night. He must've left after I'd fallen asleep.

I thought back to yesterday, wanting to die. How could I ever face Black again? He would never be able to look at me again without feeling pity. Without feeling sorry for me. He wouldn't treat me the same. He'd always have to be careful what he said and how he acted so I wouldn't get upset. Merlin why did he have to come into the dorm last night? I was so embarrassed at what he had seen. The chink in my otherwise mostly impenetrable armor. He had seen that I was weak.

I took a breath and heaved myself out of bed, ignoring the knot in my stomach. It was early. The sky was streaked with clouds tinted pink and a few lingering stars. The sun was peeking up from the eastern horizon of the great lake throwing golden light across all its rays touched.

I heard someone give a little snore from the opposite side of the room. The other eight were still asleep.

As I quickly put on a clean uniform, deciding not to roll the sleeves up today, I wondered if breakfast would have even started yet. Not that I could face food with this sense of dread weighing down on me.

This was a feeling not even sex, a smoke, or even strong drugs like cocaine or heroin could fix.

I glanced in the mirror. Normally this was where I caked on the foundation and eyeliner. I stared at my naked face. It was strange seeing myself actually look like the 16-year-old schoolgirl I was. And I almost decided to skip out on makeup completely for the day. Then I remembered… I had an appearance to keep up.

It was as I passed Lily Evans' bed on my way to the door that I realized how much I was beginning to hate this person I had become. Lily's face was clear and soft, free from the disapproving frown she normally wore around me. Lily Evans really had a chance to go somewhere in life. I could see her in 50 years surrounded by friends and family, an ocean of little grandchildren, all who loved her immensely.

The only image I had of my future self was decrepit, crumbling away from substance abuse, all alone in a pureblood mansion much too massive for one, filled with inherited family heirlooms. No one to love. No one to be loved by.

When I finally did make it down to the Great Hall I was already suffering from a massive case of self-hatred.

There were about twenty or so people scattered around the long tables, studying or just staring into space, lost in thought.

I poured myself a glass of pumpkin juice and glanced around the Hall. When I'd confirmed that no one was looking at me, I muttered the charm to change liquid to liquor that Sarah's older brother had discovered last year and downed the glass in one.

After a couple more glasses I was feeling mildly better. My head was swimming and I could barely see straight, but I could no longer feel the knot in my stomach.

"Lynnie, babe? Why'd you come down so—so early?" Sarah yawned and flung herself next to me at the long table. Eleni and Marlene followed suit.

"Have you been drinking?" Marlene crinkled her cute little button nose.

"Not really." I mumbled. "J-just a few."

"I knew I shouldn't ever have let Jacob teach you that spell." Sarah snorted and vanished what remained in my goblet.

Eleni's loud cackle sounded like a gunshot. I cringed away from the noise.

"What's up, babes? Why didn't you come to Hogsmede last night? We were waiting for you until like three." Sarah didn't sound too concerned. She knew I got like this sometimes. It was just something I had to get over myself. No one else could help me.

"Yeah and we met the cuh-utest boy." Eleni giggled. " Marlene wanted him, but Sarah and I had to remind her about Cameron. That's supposed to be your job!"

"A little jealousy is good in a relationship. Once the jealousy's gone, the passion's gone with it." She said nonchalantly, and bit into a sesame bagel.

Eleni cackled again reminding Marlene that healthy jealousy and cheating were two completely different things.

"I didn't come like feeling." I mumbled again, the world spinning a little. "I think I'm going to t-hic-toilet to…" I trailed off and tried to get up from the table.

"Hey careful, you're going to—" Sarah's warning came too late. I felt myself stumble and fall, but just before I hit the ground, two arms reached out and grabbed my waist, saving me.

"Watch it, Rivelli." Black grumbled and righted me.

My cheeks turned pink and I refused to look directly at him.

"Thanks, Black." I tried to dart past him, but bumped into James.

"Are you drunk?" James sniffed the air. "Merlin, Lynn, it's not even nine yet!"

Pettigrew snickered and turned to Lupin, but Lupin only looked at me with horror.

"Don't-hic judge me." I growled and again tried to push past.

Black sighed, caught my wrist and sat me down again.

"Let me go, faggot!"

"Rivelli, as much as I'd love to never lay eyes on you again and as funny leaving you in this state for the day would be, I feel it my right as a Gryffindor to save us from losing what would surely be over 100 points if you went to class drunk." He simply said with the hint of a smirk.

Looks like I had been wrong about Black treating me much more differently than usual. I should be happy. So why was I so disappointed?

"Here, drink this. Sobering Solution." He filled his cup with a rose pink potion and handed it to me.

After just a sip the world stilled itself and I felt rooted to the ground again.

"Thanks, Black..." I sighed, a little less than happy that the knot in my stomach and the self-hatred had returned.

"Just doing my duty." He winked.

I rolled my eyes and restated that I was going to the toilet. I sighed and contemplated how shit my life was at the moment. It was actually ridiculous. Why was the world so messed up as to give someone, eg Lily Evans, everything, a stable childhood, loving parents, loyal friends and even a great guy like James completely in love with her and then give someone else, eg me, all the shits. It was no wonder we had Voldemorts running around. He mustn't have had much of a great start in life either.

"Ooooh, what do we have here?" Moaning Myrtle squealed and shot up from one of the stalls when she saw me coming in. I was trying to light my joint, and failing miserably. Since Black had kindly sobered me up, I needed to find another way to escape from this awful feeling.

"Fuck off, Myrtle." I groaned. I hated it when she was here.

"Ooohoo that's not very nice. Is it?" She leered, whoosing straight through me.

"Bloody hell!" I yelped, shivering "What'd you do that for?"

Suddenly the door began to open. I hurriedly spat out the joint and hid it behind my back.

"Rivelli's being a naughty girl!" Mrytle informed the person entering.

"Rivelli's always being a naughty girl." He, yes _he_, replied.

"Black. Why are you always showing up in places your kind is not supposed to be?" I rolled my eyes and took a drag of the joint.

"My kind?" He asked with a slight grin, walking over to stand right in front of me. Centimeters away from my face. Way too close for comfort.

"The male species." I blew a ring in his face. "Too close, back off a bit."

"Hi Sirius." Mrytle giggled. "You don't come here as often as you used to."

I raised an eyebrow at this piece of information, but remained silent.

"Yeah… uhh… we don't really need to use this place anymore. Actually Mrytle. Don't take this the wrong way, but could you give Rivelli and me some privacy for a bit?" He flashed his most winning smile.

"I see!" She wailed. "No one wants to be with Mrytle. No one loves Mrytle because SHE'S DEAD!"

In a strop, Moaing Mrytle dived down the toilet of the stall she'd been haunting.

"Great now you've done it. She'll chuck a fit every time I come here." I sunk down against the back wall and took another hit.

Black sat next to me, not saying anything.

"What do you want? Don't you have defense now?" I asked, getting a little annoyed.

"Don't you?" He quipped and snatched the joint out of my hand.

"Oi! If you want weed you have to pay like everyone else. This is really good stuff." I complained.

"James doesn't pay." He said, happily puffing away on my rather expensive weed.

"James is my friend." I replied and with resignation fumbled through my satchel for a ciggie and lighter.

"Aww and you don't consider me your friend? I'm cut, Rivelli." He gave me a little shove.

"Why are you here? Can't just be to rip me off." I shuffled a little further away from him. This was really uncomfortable. I didn't want to be here with the person who probably thought of me as majorly pathetic.

"I wanted to talk to you." He paused and averted his eyes. "You know… make sure you're ok."

"Why wouldn't I be ok." I crossed my arms and glared at the door. I knew it. I fucking knew it.

"Lynn, I—"

"Don't call me Lynn. We're not friends. And I don't want to have this conversation with you." I angrily extinguished the cigarette on the floor and stood up.

"Fine. Rivelli. But I'm not finished talking to you. Don't get up." He, too, stood up. "This is important. What would have happened if I hadn't come in last night? You looked as if you were about to avada yourself."

"I'm finished talking to _you._" I stormed off and slammed the door behind me.

I didn't know where to go now. Defense was out of the question. There was no way I would ever go back to that class. But I didn't particularly want to mooch around the school for an hour. I already had three detentions and didn't particularly want to add to that number.

In the end, I decided to risk being discovered and spend the period comfortably in the common room with a shoddily written Mills and Boon.

I was quite comfortable, sunk into the squishy couch, and had just gotten to the juicy bit when someone burst through the portrait hole and stormed up the girls' staircase. They had obviously missed me sitting here on the couch. I briefly wondered who it could be, but decided it wasn't really any of my business.

Unable to get back to my previous half-asleep state, I managed to shift myself from the couch and headed to my dorm. I wanted to wash the lingering smells of booze and weed away, and hopefully, this sickening bad mood.

As I approached the door, though, I heard something from inside the room. It sounded like someone was crying. But that couldn't be it. I pressed my ear to the door, hoping to unravel the mystery.

Yes, it was definitely the sound of someone crying. Instinctively, despite the fact that it was a 5/9 chance of being a member of the bitch clique, I pushed open the door.

"GOD VICTOIRE, leave me a-LONE." The girl screamed.

"Um… hello?" I poked my head around.

"Oh. It's you." Lily Evans sniffed. "What do you want?"

"Lily?" I asked, shocked. I didn't even know she COULD cry.

"Why aren't you in class?" She mumbled, wiping her eyes.

"Are you actually serious?" I laughed. "Plus, you're skipping too."

I awkwardly sat down next to her on the bed. What do you say to comfort someone you've openly despised for years?

She didn't reply to my comment, but didn't ask me to leave or unroll my skirt either.

"Are you ok?" I finally managed.

She gave me a scathing look. "Yeah. I'm fantastic."

I must have visibly recoiled because she sighed and apologized for being abrupt.

"Nah, it's ok. We all get angry. What happened?"

She was silent for a while. It was like she was weighing up her utter detestation of me and her need to talk about what was on her mind. I guess talking won because she reached into her robe pocket and pulled out a crumbled piece of fancy looking parchment.

"This was how I discovered my sister was getting married and I wasn't invited." She said simply, another tear rolling down her cheek.

I took the paper and carefully uncrumpled it. It seemed to be an invitation of some sort. Pureblood wedding invitations looked nothing like this though.

_To the DeThoisey Household, _

_You are cordially invited to attend the marriage of Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley. _

It went on, mentioning the date and time etc. But I got all I needed from the first two lines. Victoire had obviously been sent the invite and shown it to Lily.

"She knows I don't get on with my sister. She KNOWS it, Lynnette. Why would she do that?" Her voice cracked a little.

"No offence, but she's a bitch." I shrugged and got up, knowing exactly what she needed.

"I know." Lily whispered, her head in her hands. "I know she is. They all are. Well, Alice isn't. And not Mary, most of the time. Well… some of the time."

"You can be a bit of a cow sometimes too." I mumbled under my breath, rummaging under Sarah's bed. She had some lovely gourmet chocolates from her gran that I knew she'd never eat because they had nuts in them. She also had a quarter of a bottle of some weird Muggle drink, vodka. I, personally, thought firewhiskey was nicer, but Lily was a Muggle so I figured she'd appreciate the vodka more.

"I heard that. I know I can be a downright bitch sometimes, but honestly Lynette. Sometimes you do deserve it." She hiccoughed, calming herself a little.

I poured out two shots and broke off a couple of squares of the chocolate.

"Sometimes you deserve it, Lynette." I grumbled mockingly, knowing she was right.

I handed her the vodka and the chocolate.

"I always feel better after some booze and some chocolate. Can't go wrong with comfort eats and drink." I smiled and sat next to her again.

She warily looked at the vodka. For a second I thought she was going to refuse, but then she glanced back at the invitation and downed the whole thing in one go.

"Ugh! That's FOUL!" She coughed and made a face like she'd just eaten slugs.

And I couldn't help it. I burst into laughter. I laughed and laughed and I couldn't stop. Lily smiled and then broke into a raucous laugh herself.

Still grinning, she nibbled the chocolate. "This is much better."

"Oo sur har fumkin, Lian Evns" I added, mouth full of chocolate.

"What?" She giggled.

I made a show of chewing and swallowing. "Ech-hem. I said, and it's indefinitely true. You sure are something, Lillian Evans."

"Definitely. Not indefinitely. And you sure are something too, Lynette Rivelli." She poked her tongue at me.

I managed to convince her to skip Potions as well and we stayed up in the dorm for the next hour, chatting and laughing. We weren't opposite members of a 7 year long schism, we were… friends? She told me all about how she found out about being a witch and the effect it had on her relationship with her sister. I even told her a little about my family life, the secrets I usually kept clutched close to my chest.

I showed her the letter I'd gotten the night before. She became very quiet and I was afraid I'd scared her off. But then I noticed that fresh tears had welled up in her eyes. Pity for me. Usually I hated being pitied. But something about someone as perfect as Lily Evans caring that much about someone as imperfect as me, someone she barely even knew, didn't feel like such a bad thing after all.

I didn't want this stolen time to end, but of course, life goes on. Soon it was lunchtime and we had to face the awkward 'what happens now.'

"So um… do you want to go down to lunch?" She asked tentatively, vanishing the chocolate wrapper and used plastic shot glasses.

"Yeah'kay." Was my incredibly literate reply.

We walked in silence through the common room and out the portrait hole. I wondering if Lily realized us being friends would never work? We were total opposites. Maybe we'd had this one moment where we both climbed down a bit enough to realize we weren't as bad as we'd previously thought, but how could a friendship possibly work between the two of us?

"I know we're not suddenly going to be the best of friends, Lynn." Lily said suddenly. "We're too different."

I didn't reply. Just because it couldn't happen didn't mean I didn't wish maybe it could. Lily was good for me, I thought. I was feeling miles better than before our talk and the constant need for weed or a smoke was gone.

"It doesn't mean we can't be friendly to each other though." She ploughed on. "I mean, you do some pretty stupid, bad things sometimes and you act like a complete retard half the time, but you're not a _bad_ person. And you really did help me today."

"Thanks… I guess?" I scratched my head, a little confused at the backhanded compliment.

"I shouldn't have judged you before I got to know you properly." She concluded, and tucked a strand of her fiery red hair behind her ear.

"I probably was a little on the harsh side myself. You're not actually an uptight bitch. And I think being friendly isn't completely out of the realms of possibility." I grinned.

"See you in class then." She smiled back.

"You might." I giggled and quickly turned towards our part of the table to avoid her death glare.

Conclusion: Lily Evans was alright.

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	5. The Choice

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Ch 5 The Choice

"Godric, _Lynette_. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Black gave me a withering look.

"Um, excuse me? Did someone say hypocrite? Because that's exactly what you're acting like right now! A fucking HYPOCRITE!" I reciprocated with a glare of my own.

"It's different for me." He spat, clutching at straws a bit here.

"Oh, and why is it different for you, may I ask? What makes you so special that the, and I quote 'rules of humanity' end quote, don't affect you?" I smiled sarcastically, feigning interest.

Almost the whole the common room had subtly abandoned their homework, gossips and exploding snap games to try and listen in to our rather loud 'discussion.'

I turned to one of the fourth year girls, openly staring at us, to flip her off and offer a similar glare to the one Black had just received.

"Because you're a chick. The rules are different. Guys are allowed to hook up with whoever they want. For chicks, that's just slutty." He shrugged, smirking a little like he'd just said something amusing.

I glanced around the common room, well aware that everyone was listening and not particularly wanting to be the conversation of gossip for the next couple of days.

It was with the UTMOST restrain that I managed not to retort. I simply turned my back, flipped my long near-black hair over my shoulder and stormed off with as much dignity as I could muster.

"You're a fucking slut, Rivelli. Just admit it." He called after me with malice in his voice.

I climbed the stairs scowling. What the hell was wrong with him? He was moodier than a PMSing 13 year old girl. One moment he was the sweetest, kindest most understanding guy, lying with me for hours so I wouldn't feel alone. The next he was shouting obscenities at me in front of the whole common room.

I had just returned from my last detention with Trenton. He tried to give me another two for skipping two days of DADA. I'd actually skipped three, but he'd taken the day after the Glugon incident off too. Presumably to visit St. Mungo's. I told him I'd been off sick. He hadn't believed me. But I think he was a little nervous to be around me for long periods of time after the incident.

Hadn't stopped him from endlessly insulting me and comparing me to my father. Seemed like he'd picked up on the fact that my family and I hated each other.

I was pissed off and out of weed because Black had stolen my last joint. A little more than fed up with everything and everyone, I'd decided to find some willing boy from my year or even the year below and have a little fun to blow off some steam.

And fun it had been. Until, GUESS WHO, had decided he needed a broom from the exact broom closet we'd been in. How does he do it? It's like he actually knows exactly where I am all the time. And the argument ensued.

Merlin, he was a sexist pig.

I wondered where James and his cloak were. Tonight felt like a Hogsmede night. Plus, as aforementioned, I needed to stock up.

"Wowza. That was a little rude of him." Sarah made a face as she and the girls followed me into the dorm.

"A little?" Eleni laughed. "What a dickhead."

"Hogsmede?" Marlene grinned wickedly. "I just got my paycheck from the summer. Let's have some fun!"

"Ah, Marls. You beauty. And to think we thought a summer job was a waste of time." I grinned back.

"How much d'ya make?" Sarah asked and reapplied her mascara at the vanity table.

"Guess." Marlene's smile grew as she dug through her trunk for the money.

"A thousand galleons." Eleni giggled. She whipped the mascara wand away from Sarah to fix her own lashes up.

"Realistic guesses please, Els." Marlene rolled her aqua colored eyes. I loved my naturally tanned skin, European facial features and dark eyes, but I had to admit, I'd pay money for Marlene's ocean like orbs.

"Fine. 23 galleons, 4 sickles and a knut." She pulled a tongue.

"Want to be any more specific? Anyway. I earned…. Drumroll for effect please."

Sarah and I drummed loudly against the wall and floor, giggling.

"102 galleons and 13 sickles!" She screamed.

"NO FUCKING WAY!" I screamed back.

"You must've worked 24 fucking 7!" Eleni joined in.

"LET'S GO GET SMASHED!" Sarah wooped happily.

"I'll get the cloak." I hopped up with renewed energy at the prospect of a night on the town with my _ragazze_.

After we had tarted up and done the usual clothes swap, we were ready to go. I had just enough galleons to resupply myself with enough weed for the rest of the month and to restock my liquor stash, bless my seemingly endlessly wealthy family. No matter what I did to get on my parents tits, we had appearances to keep up. Therefore I would always have access to cash. Needless to say, I was content with the situation.

Giggling like schoolgirls we crept through the corridors until we reached the statue of the humpbacked witch. The passageway was always a bit of a trek in 6-inch stilettos, but we usually managed without much incident.

"Where to?" Marlene asked, a little out of breath as we snuck through the Honeydukes' cellar.

"Michael's bouncer at Circe tonight. Hobgoblins are playing live too." Eleni stated. Michael was her older cousin and had been sneaking us into clubs underage for a year now.

"Sounds like a plan. We haven't been to Circe in ages." Sarah mused. It was a pretty cool place, but somehow we always managed to forget about it.

"Oh and I have to stop by at Quickliq too. Sarah, do you still have my fakie?" I asked, narrowly avoiding a honeydukes shopper who had nearly smashed straight into me.

"Yeah, just a sec." She stopped walking and fished around in her purse.

"Any day now, Sarah." Eleni pretended to tap her watch. "Honeydukes is closing in like 10 minutes."

"Here catch. We'll meet you in there." She said.

"Alrighty." I shrugged my shoulders, a little pissed that they couldn't even wait two minutes.

We separated, them heading towards the nightlife of Hogsmede, a little ways apart from the rest of the street, me towards one of the dodgier looking alleyways.

QuickLiq's sign was flickering as I approached the store. It was set back down a dark alleyway any normal person wouldn't be seen dead down. To be honest, I got the creeps walking this way too. I was always a little edgy around the dumpster having heard stories about that girl getting raped and murdered there.

There were four men who looked about their early 20s loitering in front of the store, drinking and smoking.

"Hey hey, look who it is." One of the called. Barry was my dealer. We'd met a few years ago during the summer at his little brother's party.

"Bazza. How's it going?" I smiled, joining them.

"This is Lynn. She goes to school up there." He spoke to his mates, indicating vaguely in the direction of Hogwarts. "Lynnie meet Dave West, Neil Sanders and Az Bentley."

"Hey, you're pretty sexy for a juvie." The man called Az winked and flashed me what I guess was supposed to be a sexy smile. But all it really did was creep me out.

"Um thanks." I edged away from him. "Barry I'm all out."

"As I thought. That's all she ever wants from me." He barked a laugh and whipped plastic bag out of his hoodie pocket. "How much?"

"Enough for the rest of the month?" I tipped some galleons into my hand.

"Yeah that'll cover it. Hey, hows about I give you a special offer? Cause we're mates and all. Half price for these two." Glancing down the alley, he tipped two white pills into his hand.

I glanced at them warily. Weed and booze was fine, but usually I drew the line at harder stuff. But I'd heard good things about Ecstasy. The _name_ practically sold the drug.

"Nah, it's fine. I don't do that shit. But thanks for this." I said, accepting the weed.

"It's just ecstasy. Nothing bad." Barry tried to convince me. Normally he never pushed me to buy other drugs, but clearly, he was stoned and hanging out with three other guys who I assumed all did much worse than ecstasy.

"I'll pass." I reiterated firmly. "I just got to pop into the store quickly."

"Okie dokie, Lynnie." He grinned, showing off his less than perfect teeth and ruffled my hair.

I rolled my eyes, smiled back and pushed the grime-covered door. A hollow tinkling sound reverberated around the dank, dark room when I stepped inside.

There was an old wizard snoozing by the counter. In his hand was a half empty glass bottle of something that didn't look much like water. The place smelled of piss and whiskey, but it was the cheapest liquor store in the whole town and they never suspected fake ids.

I ran my hands down the rows of bottles until I came to firewhiskey. Some was cheaper than others, but I usually went for the best. Three bottles of Quay's Finest. I was just about to head over to the cash register when something caught my eye in the corner of the store. It was by the higher alcohol percentage stuff and the whole shelf was blanketed by a thin layer of dust.

I picked up the slim, purple bottle and blew the dust off the label. Intensity, it was called; over 80% alcohol level. Holy fuck, that whole bottle would be enough to kill even a heavy drinker like Barry.

It wasn't too expensive for what it was, so I decided why the hell not and made my four purchases. The old wizard barely glanced at my ID and handed me my change with an almost snore. This was too easy. No fun at all!

Stashing the bottles in my purse, I exited the store, praying I didn't smell like the interior.

"See you sometime, Barry." I waved at the four men. "Nice to meet you guys as well."

"See you 'round, you know where to find me if you change you mind about the eccies, Lynnie-Lynns." He called as I turned away and headed towards the club.

I was feeling a little shaken up. Not because I'd never been offered drugs like ecstasy before. But because for a second back there, I felt like I was almost about to accept the offer. And that was new.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"LYNNETTE, girl, what took you so long!?" Sarah, already tipsy, wrapped her thin arms around me happily.

"You got in alright then? Els' cousin is such a babe." Marlene winked at a passing guy as she spoke to me.

I accepted a drink from Eleni and told them there had been a queue at the store. I don't know why I didn't tell them about the ecstasy. I just didn't.

The club was pretty packed. Everyone who was anyone wanted to see the Hobgoblins play live. The band had just reached the critical part of their career where they were new enough to still be cool, but old enough to be known by most people.

The lead singer of the band announced their next song and that we were their favorite audience. That made me smile. I wondered how many times he'd said that before.

"Let's dance!" I screamed over the din.

"What?!" Sarah giggled back.

"DANCE. DANCING" I mimed doing a little waltz to the amusement of the others and managed to splash my cocktail down my top.

"WOO! I love this song!" Marlene screamed to us and shook her hips around.

We began to really get into it, shaking and twisting, giggling and stumbling around. We must've looked like four of the biggest fools, but the great thing was, we didn't even care. After an exhausting two songs, we headed back over to the bar to refill.

"12 shots please." Marlene leaned over the counter and smacked her money down.

"Godric Marls, not even Lynn can down 12 shots at once." Sarah said.

"Um that's insulting. I can do 13." I pulled a tongue.

"Don't be- hic- retarded, they're for all of us. Four each, I mean… four… five… no three." Marlene giggled and shrugged, accepting the shots from the bartender.

"Ready?" Eleni asked. We poised our shot glasses. Ready. "Go."

The first shot seared down my throat. I felt my eyes water a little as the second one joined it, but I was relentless. This was easy compared to shot competitions with James. I was first done with all three and celebrated my victory by pinching Sarah's last one.

"Fucking slut, that was mine!" She drunkenly shoved me into the guy behind us.

"Oh sorry, mate. My friend's a bit agro." I turned to apologize… and then I saw who it was.

"Well, well, well look who we have here." Sirius Black crooned.

"James, what the fuck?" I glared at James, standing next to Black

.

"We were bored!" He shrugged, "I mentioned you'd asked for the cloak and Sirius said we should join you guys."

"I did not. You said we should." He grumbled and paid for a beer.

"Of-hic- course." Eleni rolled her eyes dramatically. "So bloody typical. Barge in on our-hic- girls' night and-"

"And just ruin everything as per usual." Marlene finished.

"Well, seeing as we're here. We may as well join you. Let's go burn up the floor!" James wooped.

"I'll join you if you never say 'burn up the floor again." I scoffed and grabbed Sarah's arm.

"What's wrong with 'burn up the floor?'" I heard James ask Black behind me.

"So much. So so much." He replied.

We made the most of an inconvenient situation and made Black and James fetch our drinks for the next couple of hours. It wasn't really so bad. We separated to dance with some random guys, but mostly stuck together honoring our girls' night.

Sarah totally scored though. She disappeared with some hottie and didn't come back. I felt happy for her. This was just the pick-me-up she needed after the breakup.

A while later, after the floor had begun to spin, Marlene and Eleni asked if we were ready to go back.

"I reckon I'll wait for Sharah to come back, yeah? You go I'll… I'll come home shoonkay?" I slurred slightly.

"I'll wait with you." Black said, nodding to James who looked just about ready to pass out.

So Black and I remained at the club. I was far too wasted to even remember I was angry at him. We waited for ages. It was nearing 4am when finally we decided that Sarah was not going to be surfacing any time soon and she could make her own way back in the morning.

"What if… what if he rapes her!?" I asked with probably less concern than I should have had.

"She'll be fine, Rivelli. Prewett's a big girl. Plus, they both looked pretty content with the situation as they were leaving. They probably just passed out or something." He shrugged and pushed through some people towards the doors, me trailing behind.

"Okaaaaay, but if she dies… hic… it's so your fault." I giggled. If I had been in a slightly less intoxicated state I probably would've realized quite how awful this exchange had been.

He led me out of the club, ignoring my ramblings about completely irrelevant things.

"Sirius Black?" I asked suddenly. We were halfway back to the Honeydukes cellar when I stopped in my tracks.

"Yes, Lynette Rivelli?" He raised an eyebrow. I paused and screwed up my face, trying to decide how to phrase my next question.

"Have you ever done ecstasy?" I finally, bluntly, said.

"What?"

"You know. Ecstasy. Have you ever done it?" I shrugged, trying not to make it seem like a big deal.

"I… um." He paused. "Wanna smoke?"

I blinked. Not exactly the answer I'd expected. "Sure."

We sunk down against the wall of the closed up shop next to us and he pulled out a half finished packet of cigarettes.

"Thanks" I muttered as we lit up.

Neither of us knowing what to say, we sat in a bit of an awkward silence, puffing away.

Black moved his lips in an O shape, trying to blow rings. It didn't work.

"Was that supposed to be a ring?" I spluttered, thoroughly amused.

"Did it impress you?" He winked and blew another…. Blob of smoke.

"No. No, love, it did not." I rolled my eyes, laughing. I saw him smile back briefly before immediately wiping his face of emotion.

"Why did you ask me that about the ecstasy?" He said, staring off into the distance.

"Why did you ignore the question?" I rebutted, also avoiding eye-contact.

"Yes." Was his curt reply.

"Yes?! That's not an answer? Tell me!" I whined, took another hit of nicotine and blew the smoke in his face.

"Yes, I've- _cough_- done_-cough-_ ecstasy!" He coughed and pushed me away.

"Really?" I said quietly. I tapped ash off the end of the cigarette and stubbed it into the group.

"Yeah. Once. Now tell me why you asked." He pulled a hip flask out of his pocket and took a gulp.

"A hip flask? Really? Are you a 50 year old drug dealer?" I snickered.

"I don't like buying drinks from clubs, what of it? Now quit avoiding the question." He offered me the flask. I accepted and took a long drink. Whatever he had in the flask sure as hell was stronger than firewhiskey. But it gave me courage.

"My dealer offered me some. I wanted to accept. But I didn't." I said quietly, drawing circles in the dirt. "I was scared, you know. I'm so fucked up. I know it. And you know it. I've done so much shit to forget about just how fucked up I am, but—"

"But you're scared of going that far?" He cut me off, "I get it. I know what you mean. You and me, we're the same. We've been through shit some kids wouldn't be able to imagine."

I shrugged. I didn't really like to moan and whine about my problems like they were bigger than anyone else's.

He looked at me intently, staring into my eyes. "It's alright to be human, sometimes Lynn."

"What… what do you—"

"You're allowed to have emotions. Don't forget that." He said softly and lightly touched my cheek.

I don't know whether it was the alcohol or something entirely too horrifying to think of, but when Black touched my face I felt a blush creep up to my cheeks.

"You confuse me." I replied, not breaking eye-contact. He scrunched his eyebrows together in bemusement. "You act like this sometimes, all understanding and shit and then you turn around and treat me like dirt. I don't get it."

He parted his lips like he was going to respond, but then, thinking better of it shut his mouth. Instead of replying, he offered me the hip flask again. When I had finished, he wrapped his arm around me and laced his surprisingly cold finger with mine, also freezing.

"Your hands are cold." He said matter-of-factly.

"So are yours." I stared at our interlocking fingers, trying to ignore the fact that his arm around me felt so right.

We didn't speak after that. I was too tired really to say another word. I knew what would happen if we fell asleep like this, together, but giving in to my drooping eyelids I realized I didn't care. At least, just this one time.

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	6. The Same Argument

**Wow sorry this is so late! I was down south with my bf for the last week with no access to technology ahah thank you sooooo much for my two reviews! You guys literally made my day getting back and seeing those! :)))) Hope you enjoy this chappy**

Ch 6 The Same Arguement

Sarah couldn't believe we'd waited for her so long. She arrived a little after 10 the next morning, looking absolutely knackered and like she had literally just woken up. I'd beat her back to Hogwarts only by about an hour. It had been a little awkward waking up in Sirius' arms; scratch that, a fucking lot awkward. But not as awkward as Sarah's morning-after situation.

"I swear to God I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life." She moaned into my arm.

As it was Saturday, Lily and her clique were up in the dorms having a good old gossip early this morning when Els and Marlene woke up. They decided they could not stick the bitching going on and headed down to the great lake. Sarah and I had eventually joined them and were sculling the hangover tonics, eating our favorite post-hard night out brekky (toasted ham and triple cheese open sandwiches dipped in BBQ sauce) and hearing about Sarah's night.

"Fuck that's awkward." Eleni cringed in embarrassment for Sarah.

"So what, the girlfriend just walked in?" Marlene asked.

I tore off some more of the soggiest, oiliest part of the toastie and drowned it in sauce.

"That's totally gross, Lynn." Sarah crinkled her nose and broke off the almost burnt edge.

"Each to her own." I shrugged and popped the mess into my mouth. "Owhonhinhu."

"What!?" Marlene and Eleni screeched with laughter.

"Just fucking carry on with the story before I wipe my greasy fingers in your hair." I pulled a tongue, trying to ignore my pounding head.

"I asked him if I could scrap around in his kitchen to make some coffee and he said yes, so I got up, right. Totally naked. I thought it would be ok cause we fucked the night before." She explained.

"Serious!" Eleni asked. "I'd be way too shy to let him see me the next day."

"Let's remember now," I added, "Sarah has the body of a supermodel. We regular people can merely dream of having such confidence."

"Har har. Anyway, so I'd put the kettle on got the mugs and shit and then we could both hear the door unlocking. He FREAKED out, leapt out of bed and practically shoved me in the cupboard under the sink." She rolled her eyes expressively. "Well, I wasn't having any of that. I mean, obviously it was his girlfriend, I realized he'd lied to me about not having one—"

"Bastard!" I cut in supportively. Eleni and Marlene shook their heads in agreement.

"Let me finish! It's not funny if you keep interrupting!" She wailed.

"Don't know if I can handle funny in this state…" I mumbled.

Sarah ignored me and continued. "So I thought I'd play a trick on him. The girl came in and asked him how he was and shit. She noticed the extra coffee mug, but he played it hell cool and said he was going to bring it over to her apartment. I don't even know what I was thinking, but I heard her lean up against the counter next to the cupboard I was in and I… I don't even know. I leapt out of the cupboard and yelled SURPRISE! Then, still stark naked, sprinted to the door waving my hands in the air and slammed it shut behind me."

"NO! OH FUCK ME SARAH YOU LEGEND!" Marlene screamed. Eleni had silent tears of laughter pouring down her face.

I keeled over laughing, imagining the couple's faces as a naked girl streaked through the apartment.

"You- you should've seen th-their faces!" She gasped. "I-I couldn't even breathe!"

The four of us were cackling like witches when Jack Deary appeared beside us. We must have been laughing hard for Eleni not to notice that he was approaching, I mused.

"Hey Lynn, Marlene, Sarah. Hey Eleni." He smiled. She shyly smiled back, trying to tame her uncombed hair.

"We've got that Divination project thing, remember. Tom told me to go find you so we could actually get it done before the end of the weekend." He said.

Eleni turned from bright red to white as a sheet in seconds. "FUCK. The one due on Monday?"

"Yeah… We're screwed." He pulled a face.

"Uhg bloody Professor Sinistra. Kay, let's go." She grumbled, clearly playing down how excited she was to be spending the majority of the day with Jack Deary.

Once they'd disappeared, we three cracked up again.

"Did you see how RED she went?!" Sarah squealed.

"Oh, Eleni Eros, one of a kind." I giggled.

"Is she still a virgin?" Marlene asked.

"I think so…" I said, thinking hard. "I mean she's been with guys but I don't think she's ever gone all the way. She'd have told us right?"

"Yeah, I mean we all told each other the first time it happened. She doesn't usually keep secrets." Marlene decided.

"At least our group has some innocence left." Sarah chuckled.

I sat there, still deep in thought. A pang of jealously shot through me. I was jealous. Jealous of Eleni's innocence. Of her virginity. Sex was such an everyday thing for me that it didn't even mean anything anymore. But when Eleni finally did it, it would be special. It would be amazing. And it would be with someone she actually cared about. I would never get to share that with anyone. Once you lose it, you don't get it back. And the saddest part was, I barely remembered my first time, I was so drunk.

I was suddenly hit with a wave of self-hatred. I was a slut. I knew I was a slut, but this brought it home for me. No boy would ever want me for me. All they ever wanted was sex because that's how I'd presented myself to the Hogwarts population by sleeping around so much. Sarah had had a few steady boyfriends and only went for one night stands occasionally. Marlene had only just lost her V plates last year with someone who actually liked her, Jacob McKinnon. She didn't like him back, but still, he wanted _her,_ not just sex. She hadn't done it with Cameron yet. I don't think she was planning on it either. Me?

I lost it when I was 13. 13 years old. With a stranger. It had been after our family's annual Christmas gathering. I told my father in front of all his… can you even call them friends? Well, I told everyone that I didn't support the idea of Voldemort. He had been so shocked and "ashamed" that he whacked me across the face right there in the room. I'd wasted no time in fucking just getting out of there. There were these older guys under the bridge near our place, drinking. They asked if I wanted to join them.

I shook that memory from my mind. I'd always done so well blocking out awful bits from my past that when they hit, they hit hard.

"What do you reckon, Lynnie?" Sarah woke me from my trance.

"Uh… yeah totally. Same." I said causally, pretending I knew exactly what they were talking about. Both Marlene and Sarah gave me a strange look and continued with their conversation.

"I think I'm going to head back to the dorm." I said quietly.

"What if Head Bitch and her bitch clique are still there?" Marlene asked, eyebrows raised.

"For fuck's sake Marlene, when was the last time you had a proper conversation with Lily. I thought we were better than that." I huffed and picked myself up to go.

I ignored the look shared between them and trudged through the grounds back the castle.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"Who's rattled your cage?" I heard from the common room couch as I walked past it towards the dorm.

"Why the FUCK are you always where I am!?" I blurted out angrily. I was hungover, pissed off, generally disappointed in myself and dying for weed, but Moaning Mrytle was in the bathroom and there was no way I was sharing a toilet with that psycho.

"Whoa. Chill, Rivelli." Black sat up and held his hands out in mock fear.

"You're not fucking funny, you know." I snarled. Why was I doing this? Picking a fight. I couldn't stop. I wanted to, but the words kept pouring out.

"PMSing or just hungover?" He asked nonchalantly, though I could see he was getting a little pissed off.

I saw some first years quietly pack up their things and leave the common room. Good riddance.

"Where's James?" I spat, trying hard not to take out my anger at myself on Black.

"You know what. Last night, when you said that about me always insulting you and fighting with you, I thought about it. You know what I decided?" He replied with some venom.

"Do I care?" I asked, overly sarcastic.

"You're just as bad as me. I mean, what's THIS? Where did THIS come from?" He stood up and walked around the couch to face me.

"Just fuck off, please." I sighed, not wanting to admit that he was right.

"No." He said, surprised. "You can hardly say that _I_ confuse you. Fucking Merlin's bollocks, Rivelli, you are the most confusing girl on the planet. Sometimes you act like an actual person with feelings and thoughts and other times you act like the bitchiest, sluttiest, alcoholic who doesn't give two fucks about anything."

"Any other insults you'd like to throw at me? You haven't mentioned my family yet. Or the fact that I've gained half a stone. How about taking a dig at my poor results? I don't think I've heard "dumb bitch" for a while." I squared off with him, daring him to insult me again.

He just shook him head. "What are you doing, Lynnette. Do you want me to insult you? Is that why you're picking a fight?"

I said nothing, just stood stock still, trying to calm down. I didn't know why I was doing this. Why I always did this. This or go have sex in a broom cupboard. Or get high as kite in a bathroom. Or, at my lower points, hack my thighs and upper arms to pieces.

The frustration was building. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream so badly I could feel it building up in my chest. I could feel my vision blurring.

Instead, I turned away and raced up the stairs. It made me cringe thinking over the number of times I'd done exactly this after an argument with Sirius.

I was breathing too quickly. If I didn't slow down I was going to pass out, but I couldn't stop myself.

I got to the dorm door, feeling lightheaded and nearly crashed right into Mary, Victoire and Chelsea as they walked out.

"Merlin, watch it, Lynnette. Please." Chelsea hissed under her breath.

"Would you look at the bags under her eyes!" Victoire added.

"HUNGOVER?!" Chelsea shouted right in my ear.

It took all my strength not to claw her face off. Mary and Victoire giggled and followed her down the stairs.

"Hey, guys! Wait for Lils and me!" I heard Alice yell from inside the room.

I tried, once again, to get into my own dorm, but Alice Greene smacked right into me as I stepped inside.

"Oh my gosh, Lynn. I am _so_ sorry. Are you ok?' She grabbed my shoulders to steady us.

"It's ok, Alice." I growled under my breath.

She looked a bit taken aback at my hostility and said, "Oh ok. Um, Lily I'm going!"

"Alice!" Lily whined from inside.

I finally managed to get inside the dorm and flung myself down on the bed, not caring if Lily Evans was still in here or not. I buried my head into my pillow and screamed. And screamed. And then I screamed again. I let all my frustration and bitterness pour out of me. But for some reason, the tension in my chest wasn't going away. I thought I heard a door close. Lily must have left, seeing the crazed state I was in.

I didn't move for a long time, just lay there, exhausted. I could hear the blood pounding in my head. Each thud shot a close to unbearable pain around my skull.

A hand touched my shoulder, cold and dry against my hot, sweaty skin. I sat up slowly and faced this person. It was Lily.

"Cranebrio," she sighed and gently tapped my head with her wand. My hangover instantly vanished and was replaced by a cooling sensation that started at the top of my head and made its way down my body.

"There. That fixed one of your problems." Lily smiled and stashed her wand back in her back pocket.

"Thanks." I said, a bit embarrassed that she'd seen my outburst. "Where'd you learn that?"

"Alice and I went over to Frank Longbottom's for the holidays. Remember him? Graduated last year." She explained.

"Oh yeah. He and Alice dated on an off for ages, didn't they?" I remembered Frank's round face and love of Herbology.

"Mmm. They're doing it long distance now. He invited both of us to stay, cause he and I were always pretty good friends too. They went out one night on a date and came back totally smashed. Frank taught both of us the next morning." She smiled, recalling the memory.

"Wow, Alice doesn't strike me as the type to go out and get drunk." I said, totally shocked.

"Yeah, she doesn't really. That was like the second time she's ever drunk anything stronger than a bit of pink champagne." Lily swung her feet up onto the bed and crossed her legs to face me. I did likewise.

"What's pink champagne?" I asked, intrigued. It had a wonderful ring to it. Champagne.

"Muggle drink. It probably wouldn't even count as alcohol for you, though." She poked out her tongue. "It tastes nicer the disgusting things you drink."

I laughed and she joined in, knowing full well she sounded like a total dweeb. But, the best part about that was, she didn't seem to care.

"I don't even like the taste of most of the stuff we drink." I admitted, still giggling.

"I knew it! No one with taste buds could _possibly_ like the taste of firewhiskey!" She sounded pleased and tossed her flaming hair over her shoulder triumphantly.

"Shhhh. Don't ruin my rep!" I teased and ran a hand through my hair, realizing it must've looked like a bird had been nesting there.

"You know, I've always really liked your cheekbones." She said, studying my face.

I brought a hand up to said cheekbones. "Really?"

"Yeah, they're so high and well defined. I don't even have cheekbones!" She joked and felt around her face, pretending to search for them.

"Don't even get me started on how bloody perfect _you _are, Lillian Evans." I scolded laughingly.

"Can I ask you something?" She said after a brief pause.

I narrowed my eyes. "Depends…"

Lily flushed pink, making the little freckles on her nose stand out. "Um… does… Does he actually like me?"

My jaw dropped. Lily blushed an even more pronounced scarlet. James Potter. Lily Evans was asking about James Potter. I never thought I'd see the day.

"Oh my MERLIN, Lily. He likes you _so _much! How can you not SEE that? Are you blind!" I shook my head incredulously.

"Really?" She bit her bottom lip, trying to contain the smile.

"That's it. Something needs to be done about this situation. You're killing the poor boy. I swear, he talks about nothing else. Ever." I said with a sense of finality.

"No, Lynn! You _can't!_" She pleaded, tugging on my arm.

"All you need to do is act like less of a bitch when you're around him and he'll realize you don't actually hate him." I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"He hasn't asked me out in like a month, though." She said, worried.

I almost smacked her across the face, but managed to contain myself. "He hasn't asked you out because he _knows_ you'd say no! Even James' ego isn't that big! Show him, Lily. You have to show him you want him to ask you again."

She averted her emerald colored eyes, mulling things over.

"Ok. I'll do that."

"This is going to make James' life." I said. "Can I ask, why did you change your mind about him?"

"Well, he stopped bugging me so much, I guess. And last week he was so kind to Henry Abbott when Mulciber and that were ganging up on him. I think… maybe… I've sort of always liked him a little. He's become really polite on rounds too, lately." She admitted softly, with a slight blush still left in her cheeks.

I hopped up off the bed and did a little victory dance in celebration of this wonderful news. Lily looked at me like I was mental, but I dragged her off the bed too and made her join in.

I was laughing and giggling, singing and dancing with this girl up about two weeks ago, I'd thought was a total bitch. But I'd been wrong. The girl I'd despised the most, turned into the girl who could make me happy again. Cheer me up without even trying. Make me feel like a proper person.

**Please review :) **


	7. The Craziest Thing

**This update was a little quicker hahah thanks sooo much to those who have followed, favorited and especially reviewed! You honestly don't understand how much they mean to me **

Chapter 7 The Craziest Thing

"I wish I was black." Announced Marlene in the middle of a particularly boring potions lesson.

"Oh?" Was my reply as I tipped some shrivelfigs into the cauldron, not really caring how many landed in.

"Yeah. Black people are hip. Everything they do is cool. A black person can make all the racist jokes they want without getting judged." She explained, stirring our potion which had begun to fizz and spit

"Want to hear a fantastic racist joke?" Black, who had obviously been eavesdropping, leaned over and tapped Marlene on the shoulder.

"Sure." She said tentatively.

"Oh Padfoot, please. Spare us." James groaned and covered his ears with two jars that had previously held their dry ingrediants.

"Ok so there's a black guy and a Mexican in a car…. Oh fuck. I forgot the punchline…" He swore and screwed up his face trying to remember.

"Black, you fuckwit, you can't make racist jokes. You're white." I rolled my eyes.

"Um, Lynnie… you may want to check your potion." James' eyes grew wide as he noticed what Marlene and I had not. Our cauldron was overflowing with bubbling, acid green sludge that smelt like burnt sulfur.

"FUCK." Marlene pulled what was left of the stirring rod out of the cauldron. It had been half dissolved and twisted into strange shapes.

"Bollocks, it's on my favorite flats!" I wailed and kicked the shoes off, which had already started to sizzle.

"Nice stockings, Rivelli." Black laughed. I scowled and glanced down at my holey stockings. The shoes had been covering the fact that most of the feet of the stockings had been ripped to shreds.

The rest of the class had noticed the commotion and had all abandoned their cauldrons to see what was going on. If I didn't know better, I could've sworn I saw the faintest hint of a smile playing on Lily's lips.

"Miss Rivelli, Miss Pall, what is going on here. Expain." Slughorn shouted over the usual din of the potions dungeon.

"Miss Pall?" I mouthed to Marlene _Prewett._ Slughorn had never been much good at remembering names. He only knew mine because I was the daughter of one of the richest oldest pureblood lines.

"Um…" Marlene searched for an explanation.

"I must have put one too many newt eyes in, sir." I said prettily and batted my eyelashes. It was obvious that one too many newt eyes had not caused this mess, but Slughorn adored me and anyone else who was rich, famous or skilled.

"Hm, that's very much alright, Miss Rivelli, I understand. Miss Parkes can clear this up. Why don't you join Mr. Black and Potter behind you and work with them?" He smiled at me and moved on to grade someone else.

"Blatant favoritism. I can't stand it." I spat and cleared away the mess with a flick of my wand. "Just cause my father's rich."

"Well, to be fair, you get the complete opposite from Trenton." Marlene stated and vanished the melted cauldron and stirring rod.

"True. Very true." I sighed.

"Hey, Lynnie-pie?" James called from behind.

"Yeeah, Jamsie-pie?" I replied and pulled a retarded face. Black snorted and turned around to pinch some of Lupin and Pettigrew's ingrediants while they weren't looking.

"Let's go down to the kitchens during our free period, ayyyyyy?" He reciprocated with another twisted face.

"Sure, sugar, we'll have a good old gossip. And I got some more weed too." I jiggled my badge and pin covered satchel with a grin.

"Fantastic, honey buns!" He leaned over for a high five.

"Let's go join Gwen and her partner. Katie, I think?" I turned back to Marlene and glanced forlornly at my half dissolved flats.

"I don't know Gwen, though." She whined.

"Come on, she's cool. You'd like her." I tugged at Marlene's robe, trying to get her to move. "Plus, how many of the other Ravenclaws do you know?"

"None…" She sighed, admitting defeat.

The only reason I knew Gwen was because we both had been playing Quidditch since we were in 3rd year. She was pretty nice, but way smart. Maybe even smarter than Lily. She kind of intimidated me, but did know how to have a good time too.

"Hey, Gwen." I flashed a toothy smile. "Can we join you? It's Katie, right?"

"Katherine, actually. You're Lynn, hey? And um, Marlene?" Katherine, oops, said.

"Oh sorry." I felt my cheeks warm a little. That was embarrassing. Luckily, though, with my olive skin tone, I hardly ever blushed.

"Hey, Lynn. Excited for Quidditch to start?" Gwen moved her stuff over to make room for us.

"Are you kidding me, girl? I can't fucking wait! The only downside is that James is going to be a bloody nightmare now that he's captain."

"That's true," Gwen laughed. "We're lucky. We've still got Rob Wesley from last year. He was a dream."

"A dream to look at you mean!" Katherine added cheekily. Rob Wesley was one of the hotter guys in our year, but he'd only ever been a distant fantasy. Rob had been dating Sophi Burke, also on the Ravenclaw team, since 5th year.

"Also true." Gwen sighed romantically. "Unfortunately I've got Oliver."

"Poor you. Imagine having a fit, smart boyfriend? It must be dreadful." I put my hand over my heart in mock sympathy. Marlene giggled.

"Hey, Marlene." Gwen addressed her. "What was all this I heard about you and Jacob McKinnon?"

"Oh, that." Marlene turned pink. "Um, it was just a hook-up. Last year at the end of year party."

"He still fancies you." Katherine added, stirring in some thistle.

"I've got Cameron. Plus, I don't really like him that much." She said, with a hint of resentfulness in her voice.

"Why not!?" Gwen asked incredulously. "He's like perfect."

"Yeah, he's kind of too perfect, though. You know what I mean? All I could think that whole night was that he was too perfect and must be playing me." She admitted.

"He wasn't. I promise." Katherine and Gwen shared a smirk. Ravenclaw inside jokes.

I double checked the book before I added the last ingredient and took the cauldron off the fire. Just in time too. Slughorn called the end of lesson and asked for a vial of potion from each person. I felt a bit bad using Gwen and Katherine's potion, but they assured us they didn't mind.

After Marlene and I packed up and said goodbye, I leaned against the wall outside the dungeon to wait for James. Who was taking EONS.

"I've got to go to Care of Magical Creatures," Marlene said.

"Kay, see you in Charms after my free." I waved as she headed towards the exit near the Slytherins' common room.

"I remembered the joke, Rivelli." Black announced in my ear.

"FUCK! Don't sneak up on my like that!" I slapped his arm and attempted to restart my heart.

"Oi, be nice, Lynnie."James pulled a tongue.

"Why thank you, Prongs. Ok, so the joke. A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving?" He asked, ignoring the fact that I clearly wasn't interesting in his joke.

"I don't know, Black. Who?" I sighed and raised an eyebrow.

"The cop!" He cracked up and slapped James, who barley managed to contain a snort, on the back.

"Oh Merlin's saggy ballsack, that was dreadful." I closed my eyes in horror.

"I thought it was funny." James snickered.

"Glad to see my humor is appreciated by some." Black beamed. "Well see ya in Charms, Prongsie."

James lifted a hand in acknowledgement.

"Bye, Rivelli." He put on an incredibly strong cockney accent and leaned towards me. Before I could step back, he'd planted a wet smooch on my cheek, covering it in saliva.

"FUCKING FUCK! THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING YOU FUCKING CU-"

James covered my mouth with his large hand, muffling my swearing.

"Watch your language, dear. It's not ladylike. Plus, he's gone." He grinned before uncovering my mouth.

"That was the grossest thing that's ever happened to me." I wiped my cheek on James' shoulder, still portraying a look of horror.

"Clearly you haven't seen the inside of Wormtail's closet." He said darkly.

"What is with those nicknames?" I asked curiously as we walked towards the kitchens.

James shrugged and quickly changed the subject. "I hear you and Pad- Sirius had another fight."

"We only fight when I'm already pissed off. Normally he only irritates me. When I'm pissed off he really irritates me." I rolled my eyes.

"You must get pissed off quite often, then." He laughed.

I retorted by punching his arm lightly. "Nick off, you tosspot. I'm a very sweet-tempered person."

James tried to keep a straight face and I couldn't help but erupting into a fit of giggles.

"See! You can't even keep a straight face saying that!" He pushed me into a suit of armor and took off towards the fruit bowl painting.

"Oof! OI! I'll bloody crucio you for that, Potter!" I stumbled to my feet and called after him, breaking into a sprint down the corridors. James' laugh echoed through the empty hallways.

I knew if a teacher walked down here we'd be in the shits bigtime, but I was so passed caring. What were rules for but to be broken?

LLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"Ok. I have never ever… done anal." James said confidently, looking at me with a smirk.

"Ew. Fuck off. I'm not that loose." I screwed up my face and handed the bottle towards him.

James had suggested playing a good old game of Never Ever in the kitchens earlier today. The retard had forgotten that it was 10am and we still had 3 classes that day. So instead, we rain-checked the game for after class that night. That was how I found myself curled up with James in the Astronomy tower, devouring yet another bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Really?! You haven't ever?" He asked, surprised before taking the drink required of the asker if the askee hadn't done it.

I rolled my eyes and tapped my chin, trying to think of the next question.

"Got it! I have never ever… hooked up with a guy." I poured myself a shot before looking over at James.

He bit his lip and shamefully held out a hand for the bottle.

"NO WAY! Who?" I asked after downing mine.

He gagged and followed the whiskey with a chaser of cola. "Um… you're going to laugh."

"You're such a lightweight." I snickered at his poor shot taking ability. "Come on, tell us!"

"Sirius..." He went beet red.

"WHAT!" I squealed with laughter. "WHEN?"

"It was an accident…" He tried to backtrack.

"No. No way. This is the BEST thing I've heard. EVER." I howled, trying not to spill the still half full bottle.

Suddenly, as I was still nearly crying with laughter, the astronomy door was flung open.

"What's going on in here?" Asked the guy who had just walked in.

"Oh, Pads, it's just you. I had a fucking heart attack." James sounded relieved.

"What are you guys DOING up here? I've been looking for an hour. You took the bloody map, Prongs."

"Black! You! You and- you and James!" I giggled, a little tipsy.

"I told her." James said, pushing me off him.

"What the fuck! We said that was never to be repeated ever." Black's jaw dropped and sat down facing us.

"I knew it." I said, still giggling. "I always knew it."

"What made you tell her?" He gave James a violent shove.

"We're playing Never Ever." I explained and poured Black a shot.

He contemplated the shot, then looked up at me suspiciously.

"What did you do to it?"

"What? Nothing!" I laughed and handed it to him. He was afraid of me. This was almost as brilliant as the news I'd just heard.

"Is this ok, do you reckon?" James asked after the bottle was depleted to only a quarter full.

"Is wha ok?" Black slurred. For a seemingly tough guy, he wasn't too fantastic at holding his liquor.

"This. Getting drunk all the time. Smoking and drugs and just generally acting how we act." He shrugged and looked at his empty shot glass. I could tell he was thinking about Lily.

"James! What's going on, mate? You and me've been drinking buddies since we were like 14!" I whined.

"Yeh, we're young. May as well live before we die, right?" Black interjected.

"For once, Black's said something worthwile." I agreed. "What does it matter what we do now if we're going to die one day anyway."

"But Lily and Remus seem happy. They don't do this that often. I don't think Lily's ever gotten drunk before." He sighed.

"Come on, Prongsie. Don't be glum. Evans will come around one day." Black poked James' cheek trying to get him to smile.

"Well… she may come around sooner than you think." I smirked like a girl who knew a secret.

"What?!" James perked up immediately at this news.

"Nuh uh uhhh." I teased. "Can't say. You just have to figure it out for yourself."

"LYNNIEEEEEE. TELLL MEEE!" He demanded.

"Wait. Stop. Are you saying…" Black began, looking flabberghasted.

I nodded smugly.

"But that means…"

Another nod with an added grin.

"And you're saying she…"

"WHAT?" James tugged my arm. "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT. SPEAK ENGLISH!"

"Um. Last time I checked I didn't know any other language…" I chuckled. Mother and Padre had tried to get me to learn French so I could attend Beauxbatons, but I had outright refused. I didn't want to go to some prissy stuck up school where all the girls were bitches and I didn't understand properly.

"This is unreal." Black whispered, still thinking about Lily and James.

"I spoke to her today." I confirmed happily.

"WHAT? Hold the phone! Since when are you and Evans friends?" Black asked incredulously.

I shrugged, not wanting to give away anything.

"We're not friends, per say. Acquaintances. Maybe a bit more." I specified, thinking over Lily and my relationship.

"Stranger things have happened, I spose." He winked at James, who was lost in Lily land, seductively. I failed to contain my very attractive snort.

"Let's do something." I suggested, downing the last of the firewhiskey and vanishing the bottle.

"We couuuuld… dye Prongs' hair pink." Black grinned wickedly and tried to spin his wand in his hand. And dropped it.

"We couuuuld… give Padfoot some coordination lessons?" James quipped.

"How about, oh I don't know, something interesting?" I stretched, touching the tips of my toes.

"You're flexible." Black commented.

"Um. Yes." Was my reply.

"We could root?" He gave me one of his winks and scooted closer to me.

"We could not?" I pushed him away.

"We could go skinny dipping in the Great Lake." James suggested.

"YES. I vote YES." Black said and sprung to his feet.

"Do I get to vote?" I said uncertainly.

"NO LET'S GO NOW." Black scooped me off my feet and carried me, bridal style, to the stairs.

James, chuckling, followed behind us.

The water looked like black ice. And it was probably about the temperature of ice too, being November. Black didn't seem too put out by this fact as he carried me across the grounds, tripping and stumbling over things and almost dropping me at one point in his tipsy state.

"You're fucking mental if you think I'm getting in there." I slurred and buried my head against his chest as a barrier from the wind. He was warm and firmer than I expected. All that Quidditch, I supposed.

"Pads this is insane." James panted, catching up.

"It was your idea!" Black rolled me onto the ground and pulled his top off.

I immediately contracted into a ball. The ground was freezing. There was NO WAY I was getting in that water. I couldn't help but sneak a peak at Sirius Black's legendary body, however. And I was not disappointed. His muscles were prominent but not too big and his abs were tight as fuck. I didn't want to look away, but then he dived into the Black Lake. In only his boxers.

"FUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEE!" Black screeched after a loud splash. "IT'S FUCKING FREEEZING!"

"That's it. There's no way I'm doing this." I confirmed, rolled onto my bum and crossed my arms defiantly.

James glanced between his best mate and the safety of dry land indecisively.

"What the fuck." He shrugged and pulled off his top.

"LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG!" He shouted whilst taking a running leap into the water.

Black was splashing around in the lake, trying to get warm when James landed right on top of him, having misjudged the landing pretty badly.

"OW PRONGS YOU IDIOT." He shoved his best mate under the water.

"HOWYFUP" James gurgled. I couldn't help but laugh openly at this awful display of insanity.

"Come in, Rivelli! The water's GREAT!" Black spat a line of water at me, only narrowly missing.

I weighed up the options. Stay here, fully clothed, warmer. Strip off, dive in, freeze my bollocks off. Meh. May as well make the most of my drunkenness.

I shimmied out of my track pants and wiggled my hips when Black gave a wolf whistle. Next came the red and gold Quidditch jumper. That was the hardest part. The icy air nearly knocked the wind out of me. Lucky for the guys I was wearing one of my nicer, lacy bras. Not so nice for me as it was going to get covered in pond muck.

I took a deep breath and sprinted towards the lake. There was no stopping now, I had too much momentum. Airborne for an instant and then…

SPLASH.

"FUCKING FUCK!" I squealed. "THIS IS MENTAAAAAL! SIRIUS BLACK I HATE YOUUU!"

"WOO! Lynnieeeee!" James splashed over to me and gave me a huge hug, nearly drowning me with his weight.

No joke, the water was cutting off my blood flow it was so cold. My head felt like it was about to implode. But I was laughing. Hard. Currently engaged in a splash war with James and Sirius, I was having fun. Who would've guessed the highlight of my week would be taking a dip in the lake with these two in my knickers?

Only moments later, once I'd almost adjusted to the just above freezing temperatures, James suddenly paled.

"Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit." He exclaimed after an innocent glance at his watch and doggie paddled over to the edge of the lake.

"What?" I lazily called after him, floating contently on my back, covering an also afloat Sirius in pond gunk.

"I have rounds! I was supposed to take over from Lily at midnight! It's like quarter past already!" He frantically pulled his clothes back on and attempted to button his shirt. This was proving to be a challenge as his had his arm through the head hole.

"SHE'S GOING TO KILL MEEE!" He wailed, running back towards the castle, still soaking wet and only half dressed.

Sirius was laughing quietly, too drifty to really care. I didn't care at all. I knew Lily's secret. And once you fall for someone, nothing they do can be wrong.

"Why am I friends with him?" He chuckled and draped some algae in my hair as revenge.

"I have not a clue." I yawned.

"You know, your white bra is getting a bit seethrough." Sirius said with a smirk. "I can see your nipples."

"Godric, Black." I scowled, ducked my body under and tread water instead of floating.

"I didn't say that was a bad thing." He winked and also swapped to treading water.

"You, sir, are a perv." I gave him a shove and poked my tongue out.

"And proud!" Was his cheeky response. I smiled and rolled my eyes. The alcohol keeping me chill.

"Why can't we always be like this?" He asked, and tucked a strand of wet hair behind my triple pierced ear.

"Cause that's boring." I winked and dived under the water, giggling. Sirius followed me and grabbed my waist. I struggled against him, but his grip was too strong. He pulled me back up to the surface, grinning triumphantly.

"Oh no you don't." He snickered and poked my stomach.

"FUCK OFF!" I squirmed away. The tosser. He knew I was ticklish.

"Oh, ticklish are you? That's pretty sexy." He made another grab for me and starting relentlessly tickling my sides.

"S-SIRI- ST—SIRUS STOP!" I managed to get out between fits of giggles. I couldn't breathe, but he wasn't giving up. I snorted up about a litre of lake water and suddenly really couldn't breathe.

Sirius didn't seem to realize that there was something wrong and was not helping with the tickling. I was coughing and choking and was really, truly scared. The water had gone all up my nose and was making me see black dots.

"SIRIUS!" I gasped, flailing around.

"Oh fuck! Lynn! Lynn, are you ok?" He stopped, realizing I was panicking.

"Help!" I cried, still coughing and not able to take a breath. I was feeling lightheaded and was terrified I was going to pass out.

Sirius kicked over towards the banks, dragging me behind him. He kept checking to make sure my head was above the water. As soon as we reached the bank, he lifted me out of the water and propped me up.

After a pound on the back, I caught my breath with a splutter. Sweet, cold air rushed back into my lungs. I flopped against Sirius, weak with relief. That had been awful.

"Merlin's bollock's, Lynn. I thought you were going to drown." He said, gently running his fingers across my cheek.

"Me too." I mumbled, still trying to catch my breath. "Um… is it raining?"

A mist of tiny drops had begun to fall, making little ripples in the lake.

"Shit, our clothes! Are you cold?" Sirius rubbed my back comfortingly.

"I'm fine, but our clothes are going to be drenched." I sat up myself, feeling a little self conscious in only my bra and undies. The freezing water had sobered me up a lot.

The rain was coming down harder now, making bullet hole sized dents in the sand. It splashed against us, chilling me to the bone.

Sirius pulled me up and, hands linked, we sprinted over to where we'd abandoned our things.

"Bloody hell, look at my jersey." I complained loudly over the rain, and pulled the soggy thing back over my head. Wet, it came to about my mid thighs. I decided against putting the soaked track pants back on. They would only make me colder. Plus, this jersey covered anything inappropriate.

CRACK. Thunder sounded around us and lighting simultaneously lit up the grounds in a flash of electricity.

"SHIT, we've got to get out of here!" Sirius dragged his shirt and pants on. He clasped my hand and we raced towards the castle, cackling maniacally.

"THIS WAS THE CRAZIEST THING WE'VE EVER DONE!" I laughed, and squeezed his hand.

Suddenly, with no warning, Sirius stopped running and turned to face me. His eyes were lit up with an emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on and his black hair was plastered to his forehead. He'd never looked more attractive.

My heart rate increased as he grabbed my other hand and pulled me closer to him. I could hear his breath, even over the thunder and howl of the wind. He looked at me intensely with those silver, blue flecked eyes of his.

In a burst of what I could only describe as utter insanity, I closed the small distance between us and pressed my lips to his. He immediately responded, wrapping his arms around me and, if possible, holding me closer.

This kiss felt as electric as the lighting flashing around us. My blood pounded around my head and heat coursed through my veins. I was feeling light headed again, but this time I didn't mind one bit. Sirius traced the bottom of my lip with his tongue, asking for entrance, which I granted. His tongue met mine and we both fought for dominance. This was a snog filled with more passion and lust than those with every other guy I'd been with combined. This felt so right.

Another crack of thunder was what eventually broke us apart. He beamed at me and I returned his smile with one of my own.

"Correction," I stated, breathless. "_That_ was the craziest thing we've ever done."

"Come on, we're going to get hit by lighting if we stay out here soaking wet." He laced his fingers with mine and we continued the sprint to the castle entrance.

**Ooh interesting things are happening now ay ;) Please oh please review just to let me know how I'm doing x**


	8. The First Sign of Madness

**Well I was a liiittle disappointed with the response to the last chapter. No reviews at all? Come on guys I know you're reading it. Even if you hate it, especially if you hate it actually, please let me know. And if you're enjoying it, well, hearing that would be nice too hahah. Anyway, enough from mee, here's the next chappie. **

Ch 8 The First Sign of Madness

"He did not!" Lily screeched.

"He DID!" I confirmed shaking my head.

"Oh my God!" She mused, eyes wide. I'd taken to spending more and more time with Lily over the past few weeks. She was just so… pure. And there were no sly, bitchy comments said when I was with her. The occasional reprimand, of course. But nothing to hurt me, personally.

"Who's your God?" I asked, confused, and flopped across the table in the library. Lily was studying. I was not.

"Oh, it's just a phrase Muggles use sometimes. Like 'Merlin's underpants.'" She giggled and scribbled something down on her notes.

"I have never uttered the phrase, 'Merlin's underpants' in my life, Lillian." I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You know what I mean, Lynnette." She whipped her quill at me. I took it between my fingers and twirled it around.

"Hmm.. what a lovely quill. I think I'd quite like to hold this for a while." I smiled evilly at Lily and twirled it again.

"Well, that's just fine. You do that because I have three more in my bag." She said cheekily and pulled out another identical quill. "Takes more than that to stop Lily Evans from studying!"

"Damn. Foiled again." I sighed dramatically and slumped down in my chair.

"I still can't believe he kissed you. You two hate eachother." She said thoughtfully.

"Yeah." I ran my hand through my hair. But the thing was, did we hate eachother? Sometimes, I guess. But sometimes we seemed to be the best of friends. It was weird.

Lily concentrated for a few moments, highlighted something in her fat textbook, and picked up her wand to try out the incantation. Her note paper sat up and looked around with curiosity.

"Wow! That's so cool! How'd you do that?" I asked.

"It's this spell. Apparently it makes inanimate objects animate." She replied, sounding just as surprised as me.

The note paper stood up, using its corners as legs and walked around the table, investigating its surroundings.

We watched, mouths agape.

"It's only supposed to last for… Oh yeah. There we go. It's worn off now." Lily said as the note paper froze and fell over back onto the table.

"Whoa." Was my response.

"Hey, Lils." Mary MacDonald sank down in the seat next to Lily with her books. She eyed me cautiously like I was a venomous snake. Alice Greene sat in the seat on her other side after muttering a 'hello.' She, too, gave me the once over.

"How was Ancient Runes?" Lily asked while flipping the pages of her textbook.

"AWFUL." Alice slammed her textbook down on the table. "Professor Adden was so bad today. Three feet due by Wednesday!"

"That sucks." Lily said sympathetically.

I was starting to feel very awkward indeed. It was obvious that Alice and Mary didn't want me here.

"Um, I've got to go, Lily. See you round, kay?" I mumbled and stood up.

"Oh. Oh, alright. I'll see you, Lynn." She gave me a slight smile and wave.

I could hear Alice and Mary's hushed demands and questions as I walked away. Of course they had been wondering why Lily Evans, perfect Head Girl, had been hanging around with me, resident Bad Girl. The worst part was, I was wondering too.

I headed towards the bathroom, fully intent on having a smoke. I was suffering some serious nicotine withdrawals as classes had finished over an hour ago and I still hadn't had my ciggie. I'd been waylaid by James during my only free for a stupid interrogation about what had happened between Black and I. During lunch it had been the epic "Avoid Sirius Black Confrontation" that had kept me from Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and just after classes I'd been with Lily.

Just my luck, though, I crossed paths with Mulciber and his band of wannabe Death Eaters. I saw them huddled around something in the corridor where the bathroom was. There was no way I could get past without them noticing me. It struck me as strange that they were so far from their Slytherin den this time of the afternoon. Weren't snakes nocturnal? Hmm.., maybe not actually.

I hastily spun around and tried to quietly tiptoe away without being seen.

"Well if it isn't Rivelli." I heard a hiss from behind. Obviously I had not been quiet enough.

"Well if it isn't Avery." I replied charmingly.

"I'd watch that mouth around your superiors, Rivelli. Or you might get into trouble one day." Avery growled.

"Next time I'm speaking with a professor, I'll keep that in mind. Considerate of you to remind me." I smiled sincerely, knowing it was driving him crazy.

"And what, exactly, are you doing here, Rivelli?" Alecto Carrow hissed under his breath, turning to face me.

Trying not to feel too intimidated at the prospect of facing at least ten Slytherins I plucked up my courage and shot back, "I'm going for a smoke. Perfectly acceptable reason to be near Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. But I have a sneaking suspicion that your reason may not be quite so acceptable."

I fluttered my eyelashes innocently.

"Blood traitor." Perry Silus spat. "It is no business of yours what we are doing here."

I noticed Avery's gaze drift from my eyes downwards. I strode towards him and snapped my fingers between our faces.

"My eyes are up here, pervert."

He smirked and eyed me up and down. I was beginning to feel physically sick and almost, in a way, violated.

"I hear a congratulations are in order." Amycus Carrow leered. "Mother told Alecto and I the happy news last week. The date is set for next August, isn't it?"

"If my mother or your mother or anyone else's mother thinks I am going to marry scum like you… they have another thing coming." I spat, furious. How was it that Alecto and Amycus Carrow knew they'd set a date before I did?

Carrow opened her mouth to reply. Probably something about how _I_ was the scum who was going to rot and burn at the hands of her precious Dark Lord, but Mulciber cut her off.

"Move along now, Rivelli." He said stonily. I could hear the hint of fear in his voice. He wasn't meeting my gaze, but I knew he could feel the heat of my disgusted glare as I turned to face him. He still remembered clearly the events of last year. When I had found him, attempting to rape an unconscious Mary MacDonald. She didn't know that I was the one who saved her. I was the one who cursed Mulciber to near oblivion that night. It made me smile that he would forever fear me. Never have the courage to look me in the eye.

Avery, still practically drooling at the sight of my cleavage, wasn't so lost in the land of sexual fantasy that he couldn't clutch his wand threateningly with the rest of the gang. Not particularly wanting to end up on the receiving end of dark magic, I turned my back and with as much dignity as I could muster, walked back the way I came, anger boiling and bubbling under the surface.

"Who the fuck do they think they are." I muttered under my breath, dragging myself back up to the common room. "Walking around like they own the place, like they own the world. Hiding behind their stupid little Voldewart."

I angrily kicked a portrait that was leaning up against the wall. "HAH. They'll see. It'll be different after school."

"First sign of madness," the haughty wizard whose portrait I'd just kicked scoffed, "Talking to yourself."

"Oh what do you know? You're just a stupid canvas!" I yelled back.

For a fleeting moment, I had the thought that maybe I _had_ gone mad. With the constant worries of my parents and my coming-out ball which was approaching at a rate of knots, the new fragile friendship I seemed to have with Lily and exactly how long I'd have it for, the fact that weed wasn't working so well for me anymore, the Slytherins, and now all these new thoughts about Sirius. It's a wonder I didn't go around vandalizing all of the artwork hanging around Hogwarts.

"You shouldn't antagonize Death Eaters." Someone behind me said.

I spun around, a faint blush creeping up onto my face. Someone had heard my rather embarrassing outburst.

"Lupin?" I asked incredulously. What was he doing outside the library? "Are you… following me?"

"No." He said simply. "Just going the same way. But really, someone in your position shouldn't be antagonizing people like that. I keep telling Pads the same thing, not that he ever listens…It's dangerous."

This was probably the most Remus Lupin had ever said to me at once. Trying to hide my surprise I shot back, "What? You think they're tougher than me? Have you met me, Lupin? I can handle a few adolescent scumbags."

"Being tough hasn't got anything to do with it. It's all about being smart and not taking unnecessary risks. Because more often than not they come back to bite you." Then he added in a bit of an undertone. "If you don't believe me ask my father."

"What's that supposed to mean? Ask you father?" I asked, curious about the cryptic tone of his voice.

"At the moment, though, I think you have bigger things to worry about than the Slytherins or even Voldemort himself." He chuckled and indicated behind me, completely ignoring my question.

I turned apprehensively, knowing who was coming. I could smell his sharp, musk-scented cologne.

"Bye Lynnette. And remember what I said, ok." He nodded at Sirius and walked away in the opposite direction.

I wanted to call him back, beg him not to leave Sirius and me alone together. But he was already gone. I wondered why I'd never had a proper conversation with Remus Lupin in 7 years.

"You've been avoiding me." Sirius said bluntly, interrupting my train of thought.

"Hello to you too." I replied sardonically, making eye contact.

"Why?" He gazed directly into my eyes too. It was a little intimidating, to say the least.

"Well, it's kind of the social norm, even an expectation, to greet someone before engaging in conversation." I quipped and tossed my hair over my shoulder.

"Merlin, you're infuriating." He ran a hand through his dark hair and rolled his eyes.

"If an etiquette lesson was all you were after, I think I'll apply another social norm and bid you good day, sir." I smiled pleasantly and walked past him, towards the common room.

"Rivelli! Rivelli, stop!" He called after me and sped up to keep up with me. "LYNN! Listen to me!"

Sirius grabbed my wrist to slow me down and a spark of what felt like electricity pulsed through my veins. I yanked my arm away from him.

"What do you want, Sirius?" I asked, resigned.

"I—uh." He scratched his chin. The lower half of his face was scattered with two or three day old stubble. It would probably be rough against my face if he kissed me.

I scolded myself internally for this thought.

"Well? Are you here to woo me? Do you want me to fall into your arms and sigh with contentment? You want to tick me off your checklist of 'Girls I haven't got with yet this year'?" I narrowed my eyes, head reeling. I was speaking before I was thinking again.

He cocked his head to the side, seemingly taken aback.

"Let me tell you, Sirius Black. That kiss? Meant nothing. No. Thing. And you will never, ever, ever…pause for emphasis… EVER 'get' me. I may be a total slut, but I have standards." I lied. About the first part or the second part, I wasn't sure. Maybe both.

"You're kind of a bitch. Did you know that?" He growled, trying to conceal the hurt I could see in his eyes.

I bit my lip. What did he expect me to say? He was still Sirius Black. And I was still Lynette Rivelli. Our kiss hadn't changed that.

"I know." I whispered hoarsely. So softly I doubt he even heard me at all.

**Bit shorter than usual, but more of a filler with hints of things to come. Please review :) **


	9. The Goodbye

**Thank you thank you thank you to rottingmermaid for your review of the last chapter! And to anyone who's reviewed at all it makes me so happy to read them Sorry this update took so long, I've been pretty busy figuring out my uni timetables and stuff for next semester :/ **

Ch 9 The Goodbye

_One month later_

Both Sarah and I sat on Eleni's suitcase. She and Marlene were attempting to buckle it up. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even I could tell this suitcase was a lost cause. It was not going to close. And no amount of weight on top was going to change that.

"It's… hopeless." Eleni panted, giving the buckles one last tug.

"This is… ne—never… going to ….work." Marlene huffed and flopped back onto the floor.

Sarah surveyed her nails with a bored expression. She, too, could tell that this wasn't going to happen.

"Look," I hopped off the bag, gave Sarah a shove and opened it up. "Take this layer off and _velato_! You got a closed case."

"So what do I do with the layer of shit you just took out of my bag?" Eleni asked and ran her fingers over her favorite scarf.

I rolled my eyes and opened my less full case. "I'll take it and owl it to you when we get home. Simples. Can we GO now?"

"Merlin, someone's impatient. Excited more for your ball or engagement party?" Sarah said cuttingly. She was having some… problems at home lately, so I excused her brash words. Sarah's mother had recently been diagnosed with hereditary schizophrenia and taken to a hospital after attempted suicide. It was wreaking havoc with Sarah's life. And there was the constant worry that she, too, may have the gene.

We were all trying to be as understanding as possible, but it was a little difficult when Sarah didn't seem to want to be understood. And all the stress was making her lash out more and more often.

There was a bit of an awkward silence while I packed Eleni's stuff and no one seemed to want to break it.

"I'm going to return James' stuff." I finally said after discovering a pullover and a scarf under my bed which definitely didn't belong to me.

Eleni and Marlene grunted in response. Sarah didn't even acknowledge that I had spoken.

I grumbled to myself about Sarah's less than easygoing attitude the whole way to the boys' dorm. I get that she's having some problems. But we all have problems and no one else takes it out on everyone around them. Sarah's always been like that though. The lashing out type.

I pushed open the door to hear Sirius announce very loudly, "If I were a cannibal, I'd probably most definitely eat myself first."

"What's wrong with the rest of us?" Remus asked indignantly.

"You're too skinny, not enough to eat, and Prongs is too lean. He'd be like eating a whole heap of sinew. Gross. No offence Wormtail, but eating you would be like eating the white bits of the bacon. I'm definitely the prime cut of this group." Sirius announced, insulting 75% of the room.

This was definitely not a normal conversation.

"Um. What the fuck are you guys talking about?" I asked and chucked James his stuff.

"Holy crap! My Quidditch jumper! I've been looking for that all year." James rubbed the jumper against his cheek lovingly.

"We're deciding who'd be the best to eat if we were really starving." Remus stated like he was talking about whether they preferred snowy weather or sunny weather.

"Ok then. I'm just going to… go. I think… See you later." I said and backed away slowly.

"Hey Lynnie?" James asked. "You're free for your birthday this year? We can throw you a mass party because my parents are at some Auror conference until boxing day."

Sirius and I made awkward eye contact for a split second before I replied to James' question. He and I hadn't so much as looked at one another in a month, but he knew exactly how I'd be spending my 17th birthday. And it wasn't going to be at James'.

"Um… it's my coming out ball that night. Trust me. If I could miss it… I would." I grimaced.

"Oh. Easy fix. Come over on the 19th then. We'll celebrate the day after." He grinned.

"You could always celebrate without me…" I mumbled.

"That's a silly idea!" Pettigrew interjected, bemused. I shot him a confused glance as if to ask why the hell he was talking to me. He blushed and looked away, dropping the jar of Bertie Botts' Beans he was holding.

"Hey!" James said, jumping off his bed and wrapping his arms around me. "We'll get you out of there these hols, I promise."

I immediately placed my hands around his neck, leaning close. Why couldn't I have been a boy? James was so much easier to hang out with than Sarah.

"I'm going. Jane or whatever her name is wants to meet me at the portrait hole bout 5 minutes ago." Sirius said gruffly. I could hear the scowl in his voice.

I pulled away from James' embrace. "You really never run out of ways to disgust me, you know that right?"

"I do it all for you, love." He emphasized the last word, glaring at me. "Janet or whoever can hardly speak when she's around me, that's how in love she is. Anyone love you that much?"

I said nothing. There was nothing to say.

"Nup, didn't think so." Black shot me a grin, ignoring disapproving looks from both Lupin and James, and slammed the dormitory door shut.

"I hate him so much." I whispered, mostly to myself. James and Lupin were having a silent conversation. Pettigrew sat oblivious to the whole exchange. Idiot.

"James, I'm going. I'll see you on the train or something." I muttered. I was all packed and ready to go home, so no point in going back to my own dorm. I had one stale cigarette left. I'd used up my whole stash last week after another detention with Trenton, knowing I had supplies at home.

I'd made it through the portrait hole without seeing Sirius or his new girlfriend. No sign of Myrtle in the bathroom, either. I sighed, relieved and sank down against the back wall, my favorite spot.

I ignited the cigarette with my wand and puffed a few times on the stale cigarette, watching the small flame intensely. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I slowly brought the flame to my hand. The heat bit into my skin, I could see it puckering and turning pink. The pain was unbelievable, even worse than a knife being drawn across my arm. I cried out and bit my lip, tears forming in my eyes.

The flame went out. There was a painful, throbbing sensation where the fire had touched. The skin between my thumb and pointer was shiny and pink. And hot. I smiled, unsure why but also a little frightened at what I'd just done.

LLLLLLLLLL

I sat with the girlies on the train. Marlene was excited for the hols as she was going to Germany with her parents. She'd never travelled anywhere before and, eyes shining, spent most of the ride telling us for the 10th time about how fantastic it was going to be.

Eleni, I could tell, wasn't listening. She and Jack Deary had been spending an awful lot of time together ever since he and his girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago. I smiled as I watched her thoughtful expression. Lovestruck. That's what it was.

"Aren't you even a little exicted about your coming out ball, Lynnie?" Sarah asked, trying to get Marlene to shut up.

"What do you think?" I grumbled, unpleasantly.

"It's a whole night dedicated to you, though." Sarah mused.

"Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. Not that every waking hour of our existence isn't already dedicated to you." I replied, staring out the window.

I heard Marlene gasp.

"Um, excuse me?" Sarah stood up and strode across the carriage toward me.

"You fucking heard me." I stood up to and faced her, two inches taller.

"What is your problem, Lynnette?" Sarah spat in my face.

"You've been acting like a real selfish bitch a lot this year, and I'm fed up with it. The whole world doesn't revolve around you, Sarah Prewett." I was surprised by my outburst. I usually let Sarah's bitchy act slide. I guess I was well over it.

I continued, unable to stop the words. "I've been nothing but supportive about anything that has gone wrong in your life for the past 7 years with NOTHING in return! That isn't friendship."

Eleni and Marlene were glancing at one another, not sure what to do.

"You're the selfish one!" Sarah proclaimed, narrowing her eyes. "Oh poor me, poor me, I'm a pureblood, I have to marry the richest guy ever to attend Hogwarts, my family hates me, I'm such a fucking slut, I hate myself, why am I so pathetic?"

I opened my mouth to retort, fuming, but Sarah got there first.

"You're nothing but an alcoholic slut who's probably got some kind of mental disorder from all the pureblood inbreeding. Who'd want to be friends with you anyway. You're so fucking messed up, Lynn."

She pushed me back into the chair. I stumbled, but managed to catch myself.

"Well you're just a bitch! No wonder Austin broke up with you! I'm surprised he lasted so long." I hissed, taking a step forward so I was nose to nose with her. Maybe I was going a bit far, but I was seriously hurt and couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Um, guys…" Eleni cut in.

"Shut up, Els. This is between me and whoreface." Sarah cut her off. She reached out and grabbed my arm, pushing the sleeve up.

I paled and struggled to pull it back from her, but she was strong.

"You're such an attention seeker. That, or you have a serious fucking problem. Normal people don't cut themselves to feel, Lynnie bebs. You're pathetic." She smirked, knowing she'd got me.

I had nothing left to say. I was short of breath and about to break down crying. So without further ado, I grabbed my duffel bag from the compartment bench and stormed out the door.

"Enjoy your ball!" I heard Sarah call after me.

Once far enough away from my old compartment, I sank down against the train wall, buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I sobbed for Sarah and my lost friendship. I sobbed for the awful things I had just said. And I sobbed because I knew she was right. I was messed up. I had a serious problem. And I didn't know what to do about it.

"Lynn?!" I heard Lily's familiar voice gasp. She rushed over to me and sat down beside me. I'd forgotten the prefects and heads would be doing rounds

"Go-hic- away" I cried, not wanting her to see me like this. She was the only normal part of my life. And even our friendship was strange.

"What happened? Lynn, you can tell me. Please. I can't stand seeing you like this!" She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. Her long red hair tickled my face, but I didn't care.

"I- h-hate myself." I sobbed, gasping for breath.

Lily immediately pulled me up and shepherded me to an empty compartment opposite us. She locked the door and pulled the blinds so no one could see us.

I didn't say anything for a while, just let the sobs peter out into sniffles. Merlin what was wrong with me at the moment? Hadn't cried in years and suddenly it's like open the floodgates.

Lily said nothing, she just patted my hair while I let it all out. Finally I gave one long sniff and unzipped my duffel bag, searching through it.

"What are you looking for?" Lily questioned, joining in the search.

Finally my hands found the bottle of Intensity I'd bought from QuickLiq that one time but had never had the courage to open. The glass felt cool against my skin. Lily saw it the second I did.

"No, Lynn. You don't need to drink right now." She pulled the bottle out of my hands.

"Lily. Give it back." I said, shocked. What was she doing?

She slowly shook her head, putting the bottle bag in my bag and zipping it up. "Lynnie, I know you don't want to hear this but—"

I waved my hands in front of my face, as if trying to dissipate a particularly nasty smell. "Stop, Lils, just stop. I don't need another barrage about how I'm not good enough, ok."

She was quiet for a moment before slipping her hand into mine. "I wasn't going to say that… Quite the opposite."

I dared to glance up at her face. Her eyes were shining earnestly, her small smile genuine and warm.

She continued speaking, "Lynn, you are amazing. You are an amazing person. You're beautiful and funny and confident and smart—"

I cut her off with a small noise of indignation.

"No, you really are! Even if you don't want to believe it. And I know you've been through shit, I know you have. But you don't need to drink and smoke all the time. It's just going to hurt you more…" She trailed off, squeezing my hand.

I was silent for a few moments, mulling this over. I wanted to believe her. I really did. I wanted to do what she said and make her believe in me too. But it was just too easy. Too easy to numb the pain. Too easy to make it go away. And it hurt too much to try anything else.

So all I did was nod and stiffly accept her hug. Lily Evans couldn't possibly understand. She was everything. And I was nothing.

**Thanks for reading (oh and keep up the reviews!) **


	10. The Beginning

**Hey everyone thanks for the adds hope you enjoy this chappie, it's kinda the catalyst for the next whole bit of the story**

Ch 10 The Beginning

My scooter's engine roared as I accelerated down the long driveway of the Rivelli mansion. I felt incredibly hot in my brand new denim shorts and white crop top. No helmet. If I crashed, I wanted to die, not live a half life stuck in St. Mungo's.

My hair was out and whipped around my face in a muggle shampoo commercial kind of way. I'd just gotten my eyebrows waxed, I don't trust wizarding hair removal charms after Marlene attempted to remove her leg hair and ended up removing half her toes. It was strange. I was leaving my house in disgrace after a vicious argument with my mother about my coming out ball tomorrow night and I couldn't have been in a better mood.

I loved riding Sexy, my scooter. It was such an adrenaline rush, way better than a broomstick. I was headed to James'. My parents wouldn't come looking for me. This is what usually happened after an argument. They knew I'd be back by morning at the latest.

I'd always dreamed about the day I wouldn't return. What would they do? I breezed through the traffic in the city centre, not caring about speed cameras. My parents were the ones who'd get the bill.

I got a couple of wolf whistles and car honks as I passed by. Always nice self-esteem boosters.

No makeup. I'd left the house too quickly to put any on. I almost felt naked. But if guys were still noticing me, maybe I didn't look like such a troll without the cake face.

I was grinning ear to ear when I zoomed up to James' apartment block. He lived right in the city center and I loved visiting him. It was a nice long drive from where I lived with all the millionaires, to James' chic, modern flat.

"Oi, Jamsie boy. Buzz me up." I pressed the buzzer for the penthouse flat over and over until he answered groggily.

"Lynnie bebs, it's like 10am." He mumbled.

I laughed, "Hard night last night?"

He didn't reply, but I heard the gate click open for me, so I locked Sexy and pushed it open.

James had left the door open for me, so when I got to the top of the building I could walk straight in without bothering to knock.

I found him in the lounge, sprawled out on the couch, with a cool pack on his head and a hangover tonic in his hand.

"Oh dearie, dearie me, what do we have hear?" I smirked and sat down by his head.

"Lynnnn save meeeeeee" James groaned and clutched at my legs.

"Lucky for you I know just the spell to make this all go away." I winked and muttered Lily's spell, Cranebrio.

James sat up, wide eyed, touching his head incredulously. "Where the fuck did you learn that? PADFOOT! PADS GET IN HERE!"

Of course Sirius would be here. To be honest, I was expecting him. Still, a girl can dream…

"Prongs, let me die in peace…" I heard a muffled voice come from down the hallway.

"Lynn's here! She can fix you." He called and launched himself at me, I suppose as a way of thanks.

I snorted when he collided with me, his momentum knocking us both off the couch and onto the floor. We were an awkward tangle of limbs when I heard footsteps and looked up to see Sirius.

"Um… am I interrupting something?" He said, with a slight smile.

He didn't look good. Well, obviously he looked fucking great. But I could tell he was severely hungover and, if I looked a little closer, there was something missing in his eyes. Something vital. It made me sad.

I scrambled up and gave him a tentative smile. I knew we were supposed to hate each other, but somehow I couldn't be cruel to someone who looked so numb.

"Cranebrio." I muttered and grinned as I saw Sirius' expression melt into shock.

"Where did you learn that?" He asked, agape.

"Miss Lillian Evans, surprisingly enough." I raised my eyebrows, fully aware of James' sigh at the mention of her name.

"Hmm… don't give her enough credit, obviously." Sirius mumbled. Even fixed, there was still something wrong. It completely went against my nature, but all I wanted to do was hold him until he smiled with his eyes the way he used to.

I quickly shook that thought from my head and walked to the kitchen to open the fridge. James' flat was completely open apart from one hallway containing the bedrooms and bathroom. This is the kind of place I wanted to live when I moved out.

"So, Lynnie, why are you here?" James asked, lazily enchanting his mother's glass figurines to move around the shelves lining the wall next to him.

I grabbed three sodas and rejoined James on the couch. Sirius stood awkwardly for a moment before sitting next to me, a little stiffly. I handed each boy a soda and bit the lid off mine with my teeth.

"Um… my mum and me are fighting about tomorrow." I said, spitting the lid out.

"Your coming out ball…" Sirius said, also biting his lid off. I nodded grimly.

"I cant believe you're going through with this." James shook his head and put his feet on the coffee table.

"Me either." I sighed, glancing at Sirius. He was staring at me in a weird kind of way.

He started a little when he realized I'd noticed he was looking at me.

"Sorry… I-uh..um you just… er… you well you look… pretty today." He mumbled almost inaudibly.

I involuntarily blushed. I hated the effect Sirius Black seemed to have on me. I was NOT a blushing teenage pathetic schoolgirl. Except, it appeared, when he was close to me.

"Thanks," I mouthed, not quite making eye contact.

Suddenly, James leapt off the couch and yelped, "BALLS OF SHIT!"

I couldn't help but move back with surprise, right into Sirius' arms. I felt him freeze, before lightly brushing my exposed waist with his fingers. I shivered and quickly scooted away.

James was oblivious to our moment and continued swearing away. "My fucking parents! I was supposed to meet them at the airport 5 minutes ago!"

"James…" I began, confused, "We're wizards and witches. We don't use airports."

He shook his head and scooped up his car keys and pulled on a jacket.

"James' dad is a muggle ambassador. They were at a pre conference meeting thing all this week and try to do everything the muggle way. Hence the car." Sirius explained.

I nodded slowly, quite enjoying watching James panic.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, I have to fucking drive! FUCK! I'm a wizard and I have to drive! And then I have to drop them off at Aunt August's and then I have to— you guys'll be fine here alone. Ok bye." James didn't wait to hear our reply and slammed the door shut.

I breathed out and looked at Sirius, feeling a little awkward and very very vulnerable with no makeup and no alcohol.

"Are you ok?" He asked, gently touching my knee.

"Yeah, I'm actually great. Which is weird." I replied, smiling.

"You don't have to go back, you know." He shrugged, running his fingertips up and down my leg, comfortingly. I don't think he was even aware he was doing it.

"I don't want to." I said, seriously. I couldn't focus when he touched me like that so I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Lynn… I… I'm really sorry I called you a bitch." He didn't look at me as he said that.

"Sirius, are you ok?" I asked, worried by his expression. He looked like something inside him had broken.

He didn't reply. I slowly moved my hand to his face and brushed the long, black hair out of his eyes. He pressed his hand to mine, moving it to his lips and kissed the inside of my palm.

"You can tell me, you know." I breathed, moving closer to him. "I won't say anything. And I… well… I care about you."

"I care about you too." He muttered into my palm.

I leaned against his chest and he put an arm around me, pulling me as close to him as I could be and stroked my hair. It felt weirdly nice.

I thought he wasn't going to say anything, we sat like that for so long. But finally he began.

"I went back. My uncle Alphard died. I went to the funeral. They were all there. My father.. he didn't want me there. And he let me know" Sirius whispered hoarsely.

He pushed me away and lifted his shirt to show me his back. It was covered in cuts and bruises. I audibly gasped.

"They're magical so we can't heal them." He muttered, matter of factly.

"Oh, Sirius." I pulled him to his feet and wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on tiptoes. His arms found my waist and I felt him bury his face into my neck.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I've been such a bitch to you. You don't deserve it. I don't know why I do it, I really haven't got a fucking clue."

"You're not a bitch, Lynn. You're…" He paused. "You're amazing. I'm sorry I never told you."

I pulled back from our hug so we were forehead to forehead. His gaze was intense. I could probably have counted the blue flecks in his stormy grey eyes if I'd wanted to. I felt his breath on my cheek, it gave me goosebumps on my arms and legs.

Without any warning at all, he leaned in closer and his lips found mine. After the initial shock wore off, I found myself roughly pulling him towards me and responding enthusiastically. He moaned when I gently sucked on his bottom lip and squeezed my waist hard.

We moved in sync, our kiss heating up quickly. I felt so complete, an electric current surging through me.

Sirius stumbled and we somehow ended up back on the couch, myself under him, gripping onto each other like our lives depended on it.

He moved his hands down my ribs to my thighs. I made a small noise of pleasure in the back of my throat. This didn't feel like hooking up with all those other guys. This felt so real. So good.

"Lynn." Sirius leaned back, pushing his hair away form his face and trying to catch his breath.

"No, come back." I closed my eyes and touched his bare chest with my hand. When had his shirt come off?

"If- we- don't- stop- now…" He breathed heavily and caressed my collarbone.

"I don't want to stop." I whispered, I could feel him digging into my upper thigh.

He moaned again and tried to work my crop top over my head. I sat up and pressed my breasts against his chest.

"Lynn, I- I need you." He said and stroked my hair gently.

"I need you, too Sirius." I pressed my lips to his forehead, shining with a sheen of sweat. His silver eyes were dark with desire.

He pushed me back down onto the couch and trailed kisses down my chest, briefly stopping to skillfully unclip my bra.

"You're perfect." He whispered looking me straight in the eye and softly touching each breast.

He wriggled out of his black jeans and boxers in one go. I simultaneously pulled my shorts and undies off. For some reason, I was nervous. I'd had sex so many times it didn't even mean anything anymore. But this… this was different. This meant something.

I breathed in sharply as I caught sight of him. I'd never wanted someone inside me more than now.

He positioned himself at my entrance, but paused.

"What's wrong," I groaned, unable to handle the tension.

"Lynn are you sure you want this?" He asked, and really looked at me. He studied my face and I studied his. His strong jawline and aristocratic nose. His long black hair that was always falling into his face and his perfect lips. His eyes. His soft, kind eyes that revealed all his pain and suffering. His eyes that also showed me how much he really truly cared about me. It scared me a little. But it also felt good.

"I want you." I said softly, really meaning it. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips, a kiss filled with emotion, before thrusting inside me.

I moaned as he moved inside me. Nothing had ever felt this right. I could feel him shaking as he held me as tightly as he could without breaking me, each thrust he gripped me tighter.

We breathed heavily together, moving our hips perfectly in time. My veins felt like they were on fire, my nails digging into his chest slightly.

"Oh Lynn." He moaned into my ear. "You are amazing."

With one final movement I felt him finish inside me. This pushed me over the edge completely and I finished too with a loud sigh of pure pleasure.

We didn't move for a moment, sweaty and shaking, still holding one another as closely as we could.

He kissed my temple and sat up, removing himself.

I was still shaky as we slowly put our clothes back on. I didn't know what to say. That had been so intense, so incredible.

Sirius didn't say anything either. But after he pulled his shirt back on, he shifted me so he could lie back on the couch and pulled me close to him, so I was lying beside him. He wrapped a protective arm around me and turned on his side so I could see his face properly. He was smiling. A real smile. One that lit up his whole face.

I smiled too, leaning into his shoulder. This was so strange. Just lying here with him, it felt like a balloon was filling my chest, keeping me afloat. I was so content.

We lay there in silence for a few moments longer. I started to feel him shift uncomfortably and sat up, still resting my elbows on his chest.

"Wh-what's wrong?" I asked cautiously. I was starting to feel nervous for some reason.

Sirius sat up too, looking vexed. He removed my hands from his chest and stroked my cheek gently before sighing and opening his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry Lynn. I'm really sorry."

"Why are you sorry? I don't understand." I shifted myself so I was no longer touching him.

"I mean, my uncle just died and I'm hurting so much and you, you just walked in here right when I was at my lowest looking so—" He stopped and broke eye contact.

"Yeah I know you're hurting. I'm hurting too. It's my ball tomorrow and I'm terrified!" I replied and shakily stood up. I knew where this was going.

Sirius stood up too and faced me. "Exactly, that's my point. We're both hurting and we were both here and I just don't… we shouldn't have done this. This was a mistake."

I visibly recoiled, stung by his last sentence.

"I was a mistake." I repeated slowly, my blood beginning to boil in a quiet rage.

"Not you!" He exclaimed. "This, using eachother like this to feel better."

"What's the difference? This, me—it's the same thing really." My voice was rising. I was trying to convey how much this hurt with anger.

"I just mean…" He sighed and stepped back, looking sad. "This is going to hurt you more in the long run."

"What the FUCK, Black!" I was shaking with anger, my fists clenched. "You go from calling me beautiful and perfect and fucking having sex with me to saying this was a mistake? WHAT. THE. FUCK."

"Lynn, I… you _are_… but I—" He stammered, stumbling forward to touch me.

I jerked myself away. "No, Black. Don't you fucking touch me."

I could feel my eyes prickle. There was no way I was going to cry in front of Sirius Black, _again_, especially after what had just happened. So I turned around and left James' flat with a bang of the front door.

Behind me I heard something breaking, crashing to the floor.

In the lift I tried to pull myself together and stop myself from crying, refusing to let it happen again. I knew what I needed right now.

There was a public telephone box outside James' flat. I pulled the door open. It smelled like piss, but it was the best I had. I hesitated slightly after picking up the phone, my painted fingernail hovering over the dialpad.

I glanced up quickly at James' flat window and noticed a figure pacing back and forth in front of it. It could only be Black. My chest tightened and I dialed.

Barry answered after three soft rings.

"You've got Barry." He mumbled, probably having just been woken up.

"Hey Bazza" I said quietly. "It's Lynn Rivelli. I've changed my mind about the ecstasy."

**:0 omg how crazeh ahah anyway you know what to doooooo (review, just in case you didn't know ;) ) **


	11. The Fire

**Thanks so much to the response I got to the last chapter It made me so happy! And sorry this is a bit later than usual, uni just started and im a fresher so everything's pretty crazy and new haha. Big warning for this chapter. Drug use and some violence/abuse. If you don't like that kind of stuff, maybe skip this chapter. **

Ch 11 The Fire

My parents hadn't said anything when I returned early the next morning. The morning of my coming out ball. In fact, they hadn't said anything to me all day. Our house elves had been busy cooking and cleaning and putting up last minute decorations. The house looked perfect, from an outsider's perspective. I could hear the party downstairs. Cackles and clinking glasses, low music and pompous voices echoed up the stairs and through the endless hallways.

I studied myself in the full length mirror. _I_ looked perfect on the outside too. My long, near black hair had been swept into a high bun with not a strand out of place. My makeup was dramatic and cruel, but beautiful with dark swirls and patterns painted around my eyes and blood red lips.

My dress was silver and red, my family's colors. Strapless, backless and skintight, hugging my curves and flaring out slightly at the bottom. It was low cut, revealing a little too much of my cleavage, but as this was my coming out ball I was being sold into engagement and my future husband needed to see my "assets." It made me sick.

I adjusted the heavy onyx necklace that was a little too tight around my neck and tried to breathe.

I looked absolutely perfect. But inside I was a mess. I could feel the little plastic bag with two ecstasy tablets digging into the bottom of my breast. That's where I'd hidden them when I got dressed for tonight. My breasts hid the small lump well, even with no bra. I'd been carrying them with me all of yesterday and today, too afraid to take them.

A knock at the door made me jump, interrupting my thoughts.

"Mistress says Tibby must tell Miss Rivelli to come to the top of the staircase right now." A small voice squeaked, avoiding eye contact.

I forced a smile, feeling suddenly very, very ill. "Thanks, Tibby."

The house elf left and I followed behind, once in the upper foyer I could hear the party much more clearly and even make out individual voices. I heard Orion Black's raucous laugh and a soft reply from Lucius Malfoy, my fiancée to be. My throat tightened.

I glanced around the foyer making sure no one could see me up here. I breathed in slowly and pulled out the little plastic bag. Barry had said only take one especially because this was the first time I was taking Ecstasy. The little pill with rough edges slid down my throat easily. It was done.

"Lynette!" My mother's disapproving voice startled me. "You have disobeyed me. I asked you to arrive at the staircase at exactly 8:00. It is now 8:07."

She ushered me towards the giant marble staircase, muttering insults in Italian. My father looked up at us from below and nodded to my mother. He muttered the Sonorus charm.

"Esteemed guests!" His voice boomed around the room. The pill didn't seem to be working at all.

"Welcome to my daughter's Coming Out Ball. We have gathered here tonight to celebrate both the coming of age and the engagement of Lynette Karine Rivelli, soon to be Malfoy."

He continued talking but I wasn't listening, I'd made eye contact with Lucius. His silver, blond, long hair was tied back in a low pony tail and his dress robes were obviously some of the most expensive in the room. But it wasn't that which I noticed. It was the greedy look in his eyes as he raked me up and down. He sneered before looking away. How could my parents sell me to this monster?

"Presenting, Lynette Karine Rivelli!" My father finally said, applause broke out and my mother had to give me a little push to get me to begin walking down the steps. I held my head high and adjusted my face to display a disinterred mask.

My father took my hand as I stepped into the lower foyer, where the party was taking place. Traditional music began to play and the guests cleared a space in the center of the room for the father daughter dance. I stiffly put a hand on my father's waist and we began to wordlessly dance. The whole time he gripped my hand just a little too tightly, defying me to make one wrong move.

It felt like hours of small talk with seemingly every guest, waiting for the pill to kick in but in reality it was probably only twenty minutes. I'd managed to avoid Malfoy and the Slytherins from school, but it was only a matter of time before I bumped into them.

Suddenly, everything changed. The constricting feel of the room evaporated and the most incredible feeling washed over me. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Everything was beautiful. Everyone was beautiful. I didn't know why I'd been so appalled by them all earlier. They were all so amazing and beautiful.

Someone from behind me grabbed my hand. The feel of their skin on mine thrilled me. I could feel every molecule. I smiled and spun around, the texture of my dress felt like butterflies flitting across my skin. It was Malfoy. He was so beautiful. My sense of vision was more intense than usual. I could see every atom making up his body, it seemed. The light sheen of sweat on his brow was magnified and the shine of the silver crest on his robes was blinding.

"Why are you so far away?" I reached out my hand, smiling. On some level I knew he was right next to me, but in my mind he seemed 10 feet away.

"I'm right beside you, Lynette." He murmured, touching my face. Every sensation was heightened. And it was incredible. I pulled him closer to me. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be with everyone. All these people who were making me smile so much.

I loved everyone. I looked around the room at all the wonderful people and smiled so much my face ached. Malfoy and I danced, as was traditional for engaged couples at a coming out ball. The lights were vivid as I turned my head and the music spoke to me in a way I'd never understood before. And right then I discovered the meaning of life. I understood why we existed. I could feel the pulse of the universe. Each person in the room was a friend. I'd unlocked a secret door to a hidden world. And it was heaven.

LLLLLLLLLLLLL

The effects lasted about 3 hours. I began to feel angry as I could feel the incredible connectedness I had felt with everything and everyone and the immense love for myself and life slowly fade away. Barry had given me shit pills. He'd promised up to 8 hours.

The party was nearly over. Few guests were lingering. As my senses readjusted to my surroundings I began to return to my former surly, angsty self. My heart stopped as I caught sight of who I thought was Sirius Black. I'd glimpsed the perfect black hair and aristocratic features. He must have noticed my eyes on him because he whipped around to look at me. I felt myself breathe as I noticed this boy was slightly shorter and stockier than Sirius and that his eyes were brown.

Someone handed me a drink, I downed it without thinking. I was, all of a sudden, so so thirsty and still feeling unnerved by the sight of Sirius' brother. Not to mention angry with Barry for cheating me of good E.

"Wow. Someone can hold her liquor." A slimy voice whispered in my ear. I shuddered and turned around to face Avery. Fuck.

"Fuck off Avery and stop staring at my tits you fucking pervert." I hissed, narrowing my eyes.

"Aww come on Lynnie babe, loosen up a little." He winked disgustingly. I was suddenly hit by a wave of dizziness. I looked up at Avery in horror. Had he laced my drink?

My head was spinning and I couldn't quite form coherent thoughts. I lashed out instinctively and connected with Avery's large nose with a loud crack that echoed through the room.

Everything was silent. Avery stumbled towards the door, blood dripping from his nose down his chin. He looked like a dear in the headlights. I was still woozy and scared, unable to grasp hold of my thoughts completely.

I was vaguely of everyone left staring at my father, who was showing people out. This pressure to reprimand spurred him into action while my mother ushered out the last few guests.

"Lynnette Rivelli." He stormed over to me once the last pureblood had left offering condolences for his blood traitor offspring. He pulled his wand out of his robe pocket.

I couldn't quite stand straight and pinpricks kept blurring my vision, but I couldn't pass out here, anything could happen.

"That is unacceptable behavior for a lady! Especially as Mr. Avery was our guest tonight. You will be punished!" He roared and slashed across my chest with his wand. Purple flames appeared and latched themselves to my skin and dress, charring the dress and burning my skin. I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to protect myself.

I screamed out in pain and collapsed to the floor, unable to take it. Another wave of dizziness hit me, whether from the drink or the curse I wasn't sure.

"You have embarrassed us tonight beyond measure. I wouldn't be surprised if Malfoy changed his mind about the engagement!" He slashed with his wand again and again. I kept trying to stand but was thrown back onto the floor, screaming in agony with each new curse.

The one clear thought in my hazy mind was that I needed to get out of there. Now. I felt my wand digging into my thigh. I'd hidden it in a garter under my dress, unable to think of another hiding place.

I pulled up my skirt and ripped my wand out. "STUPEFY STUPEFY!" I yelled, hitting both my mother and my father.

And I ran. I ran out the door and down the driveway, up the road, my bare feet slapping on the frost covered concrete. I couldn't feel. My body had been thrown into pain overload and the nerve centers had seemingly shut down.

Finally, whatever had been put in my drink combined with the havoc wreaked on my body by my father's curses and the after effects of the ecstasy took its toll and I collapsed. In the middle of the night. On a random street. In the center of London. During the coldest winter we'd ever had in a torn and dirty strapless dress.

I summoned enough energy to mutter expecto patronum.

"Find James! Please help me!" I whispered hoarsely and then blacked out completely.

LLLLLLLLLLLLL

So warm. So safe. So content. I drifted into consciousness, fluttering my eyelashes as I opened my eyes.

"Oh thank fucking Merlin fuck fuck fuck!" I heard a voice sigh. Everything was blurry and my vision was swimming so I shut my eyes. I wanted to go back to that warm, safe place. Here, everything hurt. My joints ached and my skin felt like it was still burning. There was acid in my throat and a terrible taste in my mouth.

"Holy motherfucking Godric, I thought she was actually going to die." Another voice replied. This one stirred unpleasant feelings in the pit of my stomach and I groaned to escape it.

"Lily, she's awake." The first voice said softly. I heard a girl, who must have been Lily, sob in relief and someone with smooth, cool hands touched my face gently.

"Lynn, please please open your eyes." Lily whispered. I had to obey Lily so I eased my eyelids back open and waited for my vision to steady.

I was at James'. In his guestroom. There were three people in the room with me. James, Lily and Sirius Black. I noticeably flinched when he approached my bedside.

"Stay back a bit mate." I heard James whisper.

"Oh my god Lynn I thought you were dead. When James first called me a couple days ago to tell me what was going on I threw up. I've been so ill ever since." Lily was still crying heavily. She gripped my hand so tightly I wanted to tell her to stop.

"Lily" I croaked. "It's ok. I'm alive."

"What happened Lynnie?" James asked, perched on the end of the bed. His brown eyes were full of concern.

"Fuck." I said, clutching my pounding head.

"We've done what we could to fix up the burns, but… well… they're magical." Lily stuttered.

I pulled up the large shirt I was wearing and glanced down at my chest and stomach, not giving a fuck who saw my tits. The parts of the skin that my dress or arms hadn't covered was pink and puckered. White in some places.

"Holy shit." I said, staring at my skin. It didn't look like skin. Parts of the backs of my arms were the same. I grabbed my head again with a moan, it felt like it was going to implode.

"You're dehydrated." Sirius said, avoiding eye contact. He conjured a glass of water and handed it to me. I sipped cautiously, too thirsty to reject his offer.

"Please tell us what happened. Merlin, I'm going to fuck up the bastard who did this." James hands shook with anger.

"James, I think she's in shock. I don't think now is a good time." Lily said soothingly and rubbed James' back softly. Any other time I'd have keeled over in surprise. Lily was voluntarily touching James. But right now I didn't care.

"Give her some dreamless sleep." Sirius muttered. James nodded and rummaged through the cupboards for his mother's first aid potions.

A couple days ago Lily had said. A couple days?

"What day is it?" I mumbled.

"It's… Wednesday morning. Wednesday the 22nd" Lily slowly replied, looking at me uncertainly with those large, almond shaped green eyes.

"It's the 19th today." I shook my head. My birthday had been yesterday. The 18th.

"Lynn…you've been unconscious for three days." James said as he gently opened my mouth to pour the potion down my throat.

"I—" I trailed off as the potion took hold of me and a calm blackness consumed me again.

**Please please please please please review **


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